Milk and Madness

 I'm not going to pay him to brush his teeth and get dressed every day or pack his lunchbox. You have to do it. If you wanna eat, you wanna have clean teeth, you've gotta do it. I'm not gonna pay you to do those things.

Mom is working today. Daddy's working today. So we have a house to live in.

And so we have food. And that Lego thing you wanted, so we can buy that. 📍  

Hello, friends. Welcome back to another episode of the Milk and Madness podcast with your hosts, Dee and Nhi. And welcome to another episode in the yay or nay series where we'll be taking a topic and discussing whether it's a yay or a nay for us.

Today, we're going to be talking about allowances. So allowances, giving our kids money for tasks that they complete, for projects that they do, for chores, etc. For me, allowances is a yay, and we'll talk about it in a minute. Nhi. What about you?

I think it's a yay. Yeah, it's a yay. Matt and I have actually been talking about this recently and there's so many pros and cons, but I think overall we are a yay, a yes. To allowances.

When we talk about allowances, our kids, our oldest are almost six years old and our youngest Three and two. So we're not really giving them a lot of money if they do tasks. What sort of things will you give them allowances for at this particular age?

So I think understanding money and the importance of money and how hard it is to earn money is so important and I want my kids to grow up knowing that. And we talk about it all the time. Mom is working today. Daddy's working today. So we have a house to live in.

And so we have food. And that Lego thing you wanted, so we can buy that. It always comes back to Lego. I think it's so important that they understand that and I want them to treat money, in a way that is smart that's the type of stuff that I really want to instill in them as early as I can.

So now we've started talking about money and all that stuff. So for me, pros in regards to. Getting them to start earning money or seeing that money is not free. Kenzo's asking me about the bank. Can we go to the bank and money? The bank looks after money that we have earned.

We don't just go to the bank and just get money for free. Cause they don't understand yet. So I was explaining to him about this and how, money we work for gets paid into it and then we take it out. It's our money anyways. In terms of allowances, that ticks some of the boxes in regards to teaching them that stuff.

But then on the other side, for me, the cons, or why I was oh, I don't know about allowances, is because I want them to also do things around the house, because they live here and they want to contribute to our household. We don't want to live in a house thats a dump. You want to have clean plates.

We don't want to have mice. So help me make sure that you clean up after yourself. So that's for me. I was like, how do I juggle between these two things? Because I want you to understand money and respect it and value it. But then at the same time, I want you to not have to be paid to do chores in the house.

Yeah. So what Matt and I are thinking at the moment, we've talked to Kenzo about, He's in agreeance so far. We haven't actually really properly started. We've tried here and there is there's going to be expected chores that you do. You can get no money for it because you live here.

And so there's going to be some self care stuff that he does. So he already, dresses himself and all that kind of stuff. So that stuff. Expected. And then that list will just grow as you get older, obviously, and then you are capable of doing more.

Am I going to pay for him to do his own laundry? Absolutely not. Forget it. Is he going to get paid cleaning up his dishes after we have a meal? No, that's normal. That's expected. So there's going to be stuff like that. Where, sorry, that's just day to day you are going to be house-trained when you leave this house

so there's that stuff. And then there might be stuff on top of it. So let's say when Matt or I mow the lawn if he helps out with that. Sure. Okay. Maybe you get a couple of bucks for that stuff. If maybe when they're older and maybe he's helping Ambrose with homework or anything, like we can be creative with these other chores that he earns money for, and it's not going to be a lot of money, but we can work it out with him.

And I think, we can consider it's an open conversations, open dialogue in terms of how much he's going to earn for stuff. But right now it's not going to be much at all. So that's I think really important to explain in terms of why I was Ooh, yay and nay about this.

But at the end of the day, I think we are more yay. I hope that answered your question.

Yes, it did. And we're 100 per cent on the same page because you're right, you don't get paid to brush your teeth, you don't get paid to cook dinner, you don't get, unless it's for somebody else, but for yourself, you don't get paid to vacuum the floors, mop the floors, dust, all those things.

It's just life skills. So why would I pay my child to do those things? But you do want to teach them about money. Because now we've cash-less society, we've got the card, like Amelia and Aiden, fight over who pays at the shops. And I give them my card, and they're like, beep. And they just, it's in the air.

It's invisible. They don't see it. They don't understand. So easy. So easy. And, of course, they're little, so they don't understand all the back end. But we do talk a lot about money and what things costs and how much it costs. And every time they waste food, I'm like, that food that you've wasted, that money that we spent on that food could have bought.

Something else. And I'll usually tie it back to a toy or something. Cause obviously, in their world, that's what they care about, right? They don't care that you have to pay for gas and electricity and all of that. That's just not in their scope at the minute. But we do have a lot of conversations about money and I think they're starting to understand a little bit to their, three and six year old minds.

I also do a lot when we go to the shops and they want something, the first thing that I ask them, Oh, did you bring your money? And, of course, it's always a no, and I'm like, how are you going to pay for it? kind of thing. That's something that they understand because they've got their money box, and we'll put some coins in there or for different things that they do, or if they get money from family members.

So we put their money in there and I'm like, this is your money. The rest of it, like the proper money goes into their bank accounts, but the change goes in their money boxes. And if they ever want to buy something, so like for Aiden with his school, if they have a extracurricular activity and they have to do a sport or I think they've got Some sort of maths event coming up and it was like 10.

So I made him go, I'm like, do you want to do this? He's yes. I made him go get the money out of his money box, put it in the envelope. I signed the consent form, put it in there. I went and replenished it afterwards, but it was just to get him to understand that it costs money and that he needs to pay for it if he wants to do it.

And even if he wants to do sports or whatever, the first thing I say is like, how much does it cost? Do we have the money for it? So, it's definitely something that is slow. Of course, the understanding will grow as they get older, but it is definitely 100 per cent a super important life skill because you don't want to get them to a stage where they're expecting money for just everything to just be paid off.

They're not doing any chores. They don't know how to survive on their own. And they just don't care about money. They just don't understand the value of it. You don't want them to get to a stage where they're in their early twenties, and they don't have any of those skills or life concepts.

So super important. And I'm on the same boat in terms of like projects, right? Projects that you've got around the house or things that they're doing extra outside of their normal chores that you might give them a little bit of money. Aiden is already really cluey and already wants, like he's always asking about going to his grandma's house to cut the lawn, cutting the neighbor's lawn.

Like he wants to cut people's grass to get money. It's good that he wants to do that, and he'll start it, and then he'll be like, I'm tired now. I'm like, now I've got to finish the job. but that's not the point like the point is that he wants to, and he's at least trying it, and he's six, so I'm not, I don't expect him to cut the whole backyard lawn like he's, he's little, he will get tired, but the fact that he's trying and that he wants to is, it's a good sign.

Yeah, so you've started, so you have started chores and paid for it? Not chores. Okay. More like projects. Okay. Or if he's helping grandma or family or neighbours and all that. But yeah, definitely more projects over your day-to-day chores, I think, is the way that we'll tackle it. Because yeah, I'm not going to pay him to brush his teeth and get dressed every day or, pack his lunchbox or Yeah. All that. That's just you have to do it. If you wanna eat, you wanna have clean teeth, you've gotta do it. I'm not gonna pay you to do those things. Yes.

Yes. And I think there is this importance of finishing jobs that they will hopefully get as well.

Yes. And the potential impact of things not happening.

Yes.

So let's say hypothetically, maybe they, one of their chores is to take the bins out later on or something like that. And when you don't do it, not only will you not get paid for it, if it's something that we have agreed that you'll get paid for, but also impact of that happening, and the bins are being gross, and they're full, and that's on you. I think there is a lot to learn, a lot to take from doing this with our kids in terms of life lessons or things that, they can take on. As they get older and they move out yeah, and I think it's probably super important to teach your kids to your point about the bins and the impact of that, to teach them responsibility before you start allowances. Because I know, with Aidan, for example, especially now that he started school this year, the lunchbox being in his bag is his responsibility.

Yes, I will put the lunchbox together, but it's his responsibility. And if it's not in his school bag and he goes to school without it. He doesn't eat that day. It's never happened and I will never allow it. But, you got to put the fear into them. But, even just it's cold outside, you're going to be cold.

Your responsibility is to make sure you've got your jacket in your bag. When you come home, your responsibility is to get your lunchbox out and put it in the sink. Like things like that. Whenever I talk to him, not just go brush your teeth or go put your lunchbox in your bag. It's your responsibility to do this because otherwise this will happen.

And then, if you lay the foundations in that aspect first, when you start doing other things where they do get paid, It probably doesn't blur it as much, where if you're paying them to do something, they don't really understand the flow on effect. They just assume I'm going to get paid.

Oh, I just want to get paid. I just can't be bothered. But no, it's not that. It's there's actually something that happened because of it. Our bins are full, and they're not going to get empty. And then where are we going to put the new rubbish for the new week? That sort of stuff as to use the example that you gave.

So it's probably, it's something that most people, do, But I always felt, when the kids were little, I always felt like, shelter them a little bit, but now I'm like, no, they have to learn, teach them about responsibility and make it appropriate to their age.

I'm not going to be like, we've got to pay the gas bill on, on this date. Make sure you mark it on the calendar because they're like, what are you talking about? Where's your 50 bucks? Where's your share? I just think that, if you, and, fast forwarding a little bit as well, when you look at, once our kids start earning money through a wage, through a job, I think, having them contribute in some way financially to the household makes sense.

To me. I'm not saying they have to split everything four ways, or however many people are in your household, but, contribute to something, whether it's the groceries for that week, or whether it's toiletries for that week, or just go buy toilet paper, just so that they get a feel for what money is, now that they've earned it officially.

Because yeah, otherwise, they'll go into the real world, and they'll just freak out. And then that's why people like end up living at home for like their whole lives. Because, there's other factors, of course. But yeah, I just, I want to teach those things because money is super important. You need money to grow, thrive, go on holidays, buy the things that you need. I know when I was growing up, it wasn't something that was ever really talked about or discussed. It was very hush in my household.

Yeah, did you, did you have allowances? Did you do that stuff?

No, not that I can recall. No. And I think we didn't know as well. Yeah. No, I always had to ask and I always hated asking cause it was always just it was like a whole big song in dance.

What do you need it for? And give me 20 bucks so I can go to the movies. Oh, that's too expensive. And it's Oh, yes, but that's how much it costs. Like I don't make the prices. It's either you give me the money, or you don't. I just didn't like there always being conditions on it.

And if I give the kids money for doing tasks, it's their money to do whatever they want, and I can maybe try and guide them and be like, if you buy this chocolate bar and you eat it, then it's gone. But if you buy this toy, you can play with it for longer or if spend it on going to this event, then you'll have fun at the event and you'll remember it for the rest of your life.

So I can try and maybe guide them, it's their money. They don't want to spend 20 on candy. I'm not going to like it, and I probably won't do it at this age, but that's for them. I don't like the condition, like I don't like having conditions on things that are mine.

If it's my money, I've earned it, I want to I want. But yeah, no, definitely not allowances. That's why I, I was so like, as soon as it was like 14 to nine months, like I was out, got a job. Yeah, me too. I haven't worked ever since. Yeah.

Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. So I look at me and my friends. And it's really clear the ones where parents had spent time trying to educate about money early on. I have a friend who this is one of my closest friends when we were, I want to say like mid, maybe late twenties, she had 120 K saved easy, actually earlier than that, because her parents educated her about money and they told her when she started working at, 14, nine months or whatever it was.

Every pay that you earn. Save half of it, so she did that for as long as she could remember. And whilst you could, obviously. And then, when we were all like, trying to start saving for a house, you already had the deposit saved, and it was easy because it wasn't something she had to think about because her parents told her to do this.

And I'm like, Oh my God, I was, Oh my God. If only someone had told me to do that. And it's not like my mom didn't educate me about money. It wasn't open, like what you mentioned, I respected money because I saw how hard my mom worked for it and being a single mom and she was this seamstress that she sewed and you earn nothing for that. And I just knew from very early on how hard my mom worked for money and therefore. Not wasting money was something that was important saying that, when I was early twenties, I moved out to London and, defaulted a few credit cards and like all that stuff. But I, it was worth it.

I knew it in that time I knew it was worth the price of that. And when I came home, I fixed all that in six months, not an issue. So it's about trying to be smart, but also calculated, about decisions with money. And I think if we can help our kids in any way, have that knowledge, Or just respect and understanding, then I think we've done a really good job.

They will make mistakes. Of course. And we did, too. And it's all part of growing up and being human. But I think, yes, I think yes. Yay for allowances. Yay for educating them about money. And hopefully that helps them in the long run. Yeah. But it's a, am I correct in assuming, because it is a nay for me, it's a nay in terms of a weekly allowance.

Like a set, weekly allowance, 5 a week. Yeah. Yeah, for me, it's, you're not getting, it's project based. It's when things need to get done. If you help, or you go above and beyond, or you do something, then there'll be some sort of reward. They don't really care so much about money at this age. So now it's like buying them a toy or letting them go to a play centre or somewhere.

So it's more activity-based or toy-based than money, but definitely, later on in life, I would imagine it would be, or buying them a phone and having them on a plan where they can, it'll be monthly cost. That is your allowance, so to speak, to make sure that every month you would do XYZ on these particular days and that's your task. And if you don't, the phone unfortunately won't get paid. So there's definitely so many different ways that, you can work with this. It just depends on what your stance is, if you are for it or if you're happy to pay them to get those things done, because it's the only way they will do it whatever works.

I think the main takeaway is really. the importance of teaching them money because people do have really bad habits. You're right. Like I definitely have friends who are doing a lot better and I have friends that are doing not so well. And it does tend to boil down to whether or not their parents instilled that that sense of like saving and understanding of what money actually is, because it is so easy to spend it.

It's so easy to just keep buying takeaway or keep buying like clothes or keep buying whatever it is and then your money just goes, and you don't realize how quickly it goes. So that's the easy part of money. The hard part is earning it and saving it and actually doing something strategic with it, like buying property or investing in some way.

And then also, yeah. And then I think credit comes into mind too, because I feel like credit is such a trap. And it's something that you're not exposed to when you're younger, and then you're older, you get this credit card, and it's, Oh, I have this money. Actually, you don't.

Yeah. So I think that's something else that when it comes to money and educating them about money, like we don't have a credit card. Do we have a credit card? No, we don't have a credit card. And I know people who have credit cards and they use it properly. And I have credit cards. Yeah, I've got one.

And I don't use it properly because I do not have a credit card. I only spend money that I have. And so I think that, I think this will help them with that. Because if you don't have it, then you don't have it to spend it. Like it's just, that's it, or you spend it and you pay it off.

Yeah, that's probably one of the best things that my mom taught me is not to get into debt. The only debt that she's ever been in is her house but cars, she always paid them outright. There's, always saved beforehand and then paid them outright.

There was nothing that she was ever in debt for, no personal debts, nothing like that. So that was a really good thing that she instilled in me. And I'm the same. Like I have never been in debt apart from my mortgage. Which, if I could save enough for a mortgage, then that would be great.

But that's not how it works. So unfortunately that's the way it is. And I do have a credit card and you're right. There's some people that just can't have credit cards. Like I know friends who, as soon as they get one, they max it out and then they get another one, they max that out and they just, they don't have that.

Discipline or the constraint to not spend it. Whereas I do. So I have the credit card. But it gets paid off as soon as, payday is, it gets paid off. Everything just goes on there because it's just easy, and I get points for other reasons.

But if you can't do that and if you know that's a weak point of yours, just don't have a credit card because otherwise it'll just, it's a spiral. But yeah, good point because we've got a lot of things now available to us, after pay and all those sort of things that.

We had to navigate as adults, which we never had as kids, and there'll be more things that will come when our kids, as our kids evolve and grow because, obviously, retail, they want us to buy, and they want to make it convenient for us. But if you don't have that discipline, it can really cause havoc in your life.

Definitely teach your kids about that. If you can.

Yeah. Great. And on that note, so we are both yay for allowances and educating our kids about money and the importance of money.

And we'd love to hear what your thoughts are on this topic, especially you've got older kids, I think, because I'm curious to see if, what we think about it now changes as our kids get older. So yes, please leave us a comment and let us know what you think. This is Nhi and Dee signing off.

We'll talk to you soon. Bye. Bye.