Milk and Madness

I was worried that, I don't know, is he going to be able to make some friends that first couple of days? Is he going to be able to sit down and, concentrate for half an hour, all that stuff.

Hey friends, you're joining Nhi and Dee on the Milk and Madness podcast. We've recently gone through a lot of change and we're super excited and slightly exhausted to talk to you about the last month or so. Our eldest kids have started primary school and it is like what they say, the days are super long, but the years are really quick.

And before we knew it, we were getting everything ready for primary school. I know it was my son, Aiden, who was the one starting school, but almost felt like I was, I was an absolute mixture of excitement and nervousness knowing what this new adventure entails, having gone through it myself once upon a time, there will always be key milestones that kids go through.

And this one, it's a big one, and it really cements that our kids are no longer little babies. They're all grown up. Mind blown. Let's start digesting some of our experiences with the last month or so. So the last month has been a lot. Do you have any key learnings or maybe aha moments from having gone through it so recently? Yep, it's really funny. Not that long ago in a previous episode, I was talking about how Aiden and Amelia, but we'll talk about Aiden because he's the one going through school, how he's quite clingy and he wants to sit on my lap when he's eating and he wants me to carry him around and everything.

I reckon probably early the second week, he was done. He was not interested. He doesn't even want to hold my hand crossing the road anymore. He's completely done a 180 and that shocked me how quickly He changed from who he was pre going to primary school to then being a school kid.

His personality completely changed. And so that was a real big eye opener for me. What about you with Kenzo? Similar, actually. I think one of the aha moments for me, the biggest one is to remember that our kids are probably more resilient than we give them credit for, and it's not like I think he's not resilient, but I was worried about stuff.

I was worried that, I don't know, is he going to be able to make some friends that first couple of days? Is he going to be able to sit down and, I don't know, concentrate for half an hour, all that stuff. And I know they did that in kindergarten, but I was worried about some of that stuff.

He's going to be like the smallest kids in this school but yeah, no, he was totally fine. Absolutely fine. And, I think for me just remember let's not jump to, let's not jump to any kind of like bad scenarios in our head. And remember that he is quite resilient, more resilient than I probably give him credit for.

How's it been for you in general? Like just any highlights? In general, it's been a really good experience. I cannot fault the school. Like they've been amazing. They've communicated and, even just the lead up to starting school and everything. They're quite, good with communication and the classroom itself is really good.

It's got a good mixture of, boys and girls. It's a larger classroom. I think it's got 22 or 23 kids. So we've got three, yeah, we've got three prep classes at our school and Aiden is one of the largest ones. But the teacher there, she is amazing. She's been a teacher for 10 years and she's done prep multiple times, so she knows her stuff and I think she's probably the best one to be equipped with handling such a bigger class .

We have had some issues with Aiden I don't know what it is, but my assumption is that going from child care and being the oldest kid and being like the top dog, in the Big kid class to then transitioning to now you're the smallest, you're like prep, you're the bottom of the barrel, and trying to, navigate that whole, alpha dog and who's a leader and who listens to who and new personalities and new routine and all of that.

We've had a few issues where he's picked up some behavior, potentially from some older kids, where he's hitting, and he's maybe excluding other kids. Straight away. I'm like no, this is not acceptable. It's not on. I don't care if other kids, I do care if other kids are hitting you, but I don't think it's acceptable for you to then hit them as well.

Even though he's copying that from other people, I'm trying to teach him that even though other kids are doing that that's not acceptable for you. And, they could have a different relationship where they play rough with each other. Cause they've known each other for years or whatever the situation might be.

So I'm trying to. explain it to him in, age appropriate language and, and all of that. So that's the only issue as such that we've had with him. It's, it was only about a week that it happened and pretty much as soon as the teacher's Oh, he's been a bit rough. And he got a time out and stuff.

And we've been talking about it at home ever since then, I've had no follow up to say anything and I've followed up to see how's it going and all of that. So that's been okay. So I'm putting it down to just the changes in that social structure. I could be completely wrong, but that's my assumption.

But all in all it has been fantastic. He is loving school. He's loving before and after school care. He's made some friends. We've already been to a birthday party. I'm just loving watching him grow and start to really like harness and Develop the things that he enjoys. Like he is loving sport.

He's loving soccer. He's loving basketball. He's even started reading, which he was not interested in before. It has been a really eye opening and quite confronting, experience, but a really good one as well. What about for you and Kenzo, what are you guys doing? Because we haven't spoken about this really.

No we haven't, this is literally it, yeah. Look, I agree with you, I think, in terms of what you're describing. In a way, it's like really seeing the blossom. Because it's a massive milestone. It really is. And, there are key milestones that we go through in those first early years, they start eating food.

They going to go through toilet training. They start walking, they start talking. All those things are big. Yes. But this, I feel is a really big milestone because as we said at the start, it really changes them. Like they're no longer this little kid, this little baby, and they have to stand on their own two feet.

And I feel we've been thrust into this thing. Like our family, because we've had a few things happen really quickly. And I was just, didn't expect to even think about certain things. So the first couple of weeks the first week he was really excited. We did all the photos on the first day and he's holding his backpack, which is bigger than he is.

And he's really excited. They're the most adorable photos. So really excited. And then the second week he just started. Like drop offs just started becoming really difficult. I'm like, what's going on? And then he started telling us that this little, there's this boy who's a few years older than him.

That has been picking on him and we're like, what? So there's a part of me that was like, okay, I'm just going to call Dee and all the mothers group, and we're just going to go meet this kid at this house and just deal with it, but no, Matt, my husband said you're not going to do that. I'm like, yeah.

Okay. All right. Sure. Honestly, there's a part of me that wanted to do that because you just want to protect these kids, right? Yes. But I, everyone listen I didn't do that. So we would, we were dealing with that and I was quite surprised. I didn't expect this to happen so soon, but the reality is going through life, you deal with , this stuff, you deal with negative people, you deal with people who, who might not want to be your friends or who don't have time for you, or maybe they just having a bad day, whatever it is. And he needs to navigate this. He does. So look, when we were told this, and then I think a couple of days later, Kenzo's teacher called me and this kid had hit Kenzo.

So you can imagine. You can imagine how I felt straight away. Oh my gosh. But the school has been absolutely fantastic between us. I don't think this is a new behavioral issue with this kid. But the school has been absolutely fantastic.

They have dealt with it very seriously. They know my tolerance for it is like negative a hundred. And It seems like their tolerance for it is the same. So the, this kid was taken to the principal office straight away. Their parents had been notified or the teachers in the junior section of the school have been notified.

They're on alert and Kenza's got a buddy in year six. He like he's been on it. I'm like, Oh bless. It's been really nice and it's already become nothing. It's already disappeared. It's already in the past. Drop offs have been back to normal. He's excited. He's happy again to go.

He's been making other friends. So that was a bit of a blimp, in our experience, the other stuff, I'm like, One, what's the, what do we pack for lunch? Because it's so stressful when you have a kid who is difficult with food. Honestly, I'm making sandwiches, cutting them up into dinosaur animal shapes I'm cutting, I'm literally, he's there's just too much in your lunchbox.

I'm like I'm going to overpack because what are you going to eat today? I don't know. So that's something that I think as a mom, I'm like, Oh my God, every morning I've got to pack stuff. And the other thing. And I'm sure you're going to agree about this is we work, I work full time and we've got side hustles.

My husband works full time. We do before school care, two days a week. And we do after school care every day because how else can we function? But I'm so surprised that when I get there and I leave home, I work from home. I leave home at five 30 on the dot. I get there. It's five minutes. 535, 540 on there.

And Kenzo's usually like the only one there or there's only a few other kids. And I'm just like how have they done this? What is their secret? What's going on? And then the mum guilt just floods you because You're just like, I'm doing everything that I can to get here as quick as I can, but I'm not getting there as early as all these other parents.

So how is that happening? Are you finding that? Yes. And I have thought about it. So I'm like, same thing. I'm like, I don't understand where all these other kids I thought it would be packed. Cause what else do you do with these kids? I figured it out. So here's the thing. And I had to Google it.

Cause I was having a conversation with someone the other day and I was talking about like, how. At what age can you leave your kids by yourself? So we've had to google because I, in my head, I had 16 for some strange reason. I'm completely wrong. It's 11. So from the age 11, which is like grade 5 ish, some kids at our school just go and play in the playground for half an hour and then the parents come and get them.

So they don't actually go into after school care. Some obviously go home because it's close by, so they just walk themselves home. Others I've seen with grandparents and stuff like that, but then others, yeah, they just go home and they just look after themselves and they're fine because they're at that age where they can do it.

So I'm like, oh, one day I'll be that mom. So don't be so hard on yourself. It's fine. You, I think, yeah, we're in it now where we feel so guilty because We are trying to do all these things yes we're exactly the same, right? I work full time, Calvin works full time, one in childcare, one in school.

So it's just even the drop offs and pickups take a bit longer. So you do get there later as well, because it's not in the one location, but. That's what I think is going on here. That's what I think the mystery is. However, I've started to make some friends with some of the moms who have older kids, whose youngest is in Aiden's class.

And I'm just like picking their brains about things. I'm like, what do you do with this? And what about this? And they're just like telling me all this stuff. So I'm like, Oh, you guys are my new best friends. Please invite me to all the parties and all the gatherings. Cause I have no idea what I'm doing. So funny.

Yeah. With the making friends thing, , I've been really trying to do that too. And everyone's really lovely because what happens, I don't know if this is happening at your school, but for the preps, they all line up and then they all wave and we'll be like blow kisses and stuff.

And all us parents are standing there, we're waving and I'm like, we all looked at each other like, how long would this last for? And I'm like, not sure. But we always chat like all the parents that are waiting and they're saying bye. And I've, yeah, I've spoken to quite a few of them and I know some of them do shift work, so that has, I'm like, okay, cool.

But then not everyone can have, not everyone is doing shift work. So I'm like, what's going on? So yes, you have enlightened me a little bit in terms of that. I think, cause I work from home full time and I think in a couple of years, I think it would be okay for me to pick him up after school and he will just hang out and play whilst I'm working.

But we're not there yet. And even just thinking about that feels like a whole other milestone to get to. Which, I don't know. We'll see how we go when we get there. But so I think overall, our kids have been really great starting prep from what we've said. And yeah, they're enjoying it.

They're resilient. And so it's been it's been a couple of weeks, a month. But I can already see the impact in terms of his we already knew our letters. We already knew all our sounds. We've already started reading in terms of Am and Sam and Pam and that kind of stuff. But, every night we're like, Oh, what did you learn today?

And he'll be like, I learned this and this. I'm like, Oh, wow. And I can really see the impact of school. And I said to Matt, my husband, the other night, I couldn't homeschool. Could I don't know. I've always had so much respect for teachers. And I always, I've always believed that teaching is one of the most important, roles within society.

I loved school when I was growing up and I have really fond memories of my favorite teachers who truly did make an impact on my love for learning. And, shout out to our friend, Kathleen, who's a teacher, because we get to hear from her all the time, but I just, I don't know, it's a whole new level of appreciation for me now, in terms of how much teachers do, the stuff that you don't see or know about until you're in it.

And every night we've got homework, there's new books, there's notes. She posts stuff in the app videos and. Comments of how he's gone today and how he went with this and that. I'm just like, Oh my God, I'm having difficulty keeping track of everything. So full respect to teachers. Have you found that?

Like a hundred percent, like they do such an amazing job. Even like childcare educators. There's things, and sometimes you don't see it straight away. Sometimes you don't see it for months where they'll just say something or they'll do something and you're like, wow. Cause it takes time for that stuff to really sink in sometimes.

And when they come home and Amelia can write her name already. She's three, it's just, They just they are just on it. And if you get a good teacher, especially, they will just flourish a hundred percent. They'll love school. They'll love learning. They'll love, they'll just develop that love of learning.

And yes, our teacher is amazing as well. You're so right. Like I can't even keep up with all the different activities and all the different things they come home with. I'm like, what is this now? And another thing. And, our school is now doing like tennis lessons and, There's just such a variety of different things.

He started learning Spanish and he loves science. He's a science teacher he's obsessed with. And I love that. I love that he's really embracing this and wanting to learn and coming home and wanting me to read books about dinosaurs Asking questions. I just love that he's asking questions. The reading thing that I know because obviously we've been friends and I've seen him grow, but like Kenzo's always been really big into reading and science and learning about that stuff.

But for you to say that, that's great because he's been so physical his whole life and that's a massive change. Massive. He's. He's such a different person now. Like honestly, like the change in the last month is beyond he's so different. You wouldn't even recognize like personality wise, obviously physically you, although we cut his hair, it's like really short now.

So he doesn't have a nest to the back of his head anymore. So he's a different person. He even looks different. That's the thing. Like he wanted to go get his haircut. He asked me to go get his haircut and he specifically asked for it to be shaved with a pattern and stuff. Cause obviously the other kids at school.

So I can already see those little like influences. , he's completely a different person and it's all thanks to that school and to the kids and to the teachers. The teachers are amazing.

I, so much respect, like I couldn't do it, but a hundred percent, I couldn't go home school. And so I'm so grateful to have a community of really good teachers and support staff at that school. Yep. Yep. Mind you, because we I just remembered because it's so early, like the reality is it is still super early days.

We will keep you updated in terms of what happens and any challenges, anything that's thrown at us, that's going to potentially impact all this positive stuff we just said, as a mom, right? Like, how has this impacted you, for me massively, but I suppose what comes to mind for you in terms of going through this.

and how it's, changed anything for you at all? For me, as much as, like I said, it's been a beautiful experience and I'm loving watching all of this unfold, it's actually giving me so much anxiety, and it shouldn't, but it's the fear of the unknown. Like I said, when I got that message from the teacher saying Aiden's been a bit rough at school

I went into the panic mode of Which I do all the time, right? Like you always think of worst case scenario and always think oh my god, is this going to happen like throughout his whole school year? And how am I going to deal with this? And how am I going to get through to him? How am I going to get him to see?

I cracked it straight away. And I said, okay, that's it. You're not going to your friend's party this weekend. That's not acceptable. I was like so firm. And straight away he realized like no, I shouldn't do this.

So hopefully that kind of got him out of it. But I still have that anxiety every day at the end of the day, when I pick him up and I ask him, how was school today? Did anyone misbehave? Like, how was everybody out? And I asked him roundabout ways to get him to tell me, otherwise he won't tell me cause he doesn't like getting into trouble.

And, and I always have that anxiety of, was he good today? Did he hit anyone? Did anyone hurt him? How did you react in a situation where he does have to defend himself or. And he's actually quite naive. Like he's a very naive kid. If someone was bullying him, he would have no bloody clue. Like I've seen people pick on him and bully him.

And he actually has no clue what's going on. Like it's quite nice, but it's also bad because he can't identify that. So yeah. So the anxiety for me has just amplified and. Even though I shouldn't and if anyone asks me I would tell them take it day by day and I don't take my own advice because why would I?

I can't help but think about like in the future and like straight away I'm like what about when he's a teenager like and king hitting and all that stuff it just all floods in I'm like no relax like he's not there yet he might grow out of it might be a phase it might just be like I said that whole adjusting to a new environment adjusting to new social structure and different people have different personalities.

And the other thing that I've noticed, which probably doesn't help is quite a few of the kids in his classroom have older siblings. And so naturally those kids are a little bit more mature and advanced because they're exposed to older, bigger kids things as well, which is what our second will be like as well, right?

So when they're in primary school, when they're in prep, Kids that are the oldest will then look at our kids going, what's going on with these kids because they're exposed to like older kids stuff. So there's that as well. So it's just like throwing all of this into the mix and I'm like, how do I navigate all of this and how do I do this?

And how do I get through to him? So the anxiety is just, it's beyond. So I'm trying to be calm. I'm trying to be cool. I'm trying to take it day by day. But it is hard with the unknown of what's to come, especially with this, yeah. with his behavior. I don't think it's acceptable for him to hear.

And he knows it's not acceptable. Luckily it's died down.

So hopefully it's just like a little, a weak Also, you know what else it could have been teeth. I thought we were done with teething, but that same week, he was complaining about the inside of his mouth. And when I had a look in there, he's got two teeth cutting through. And so of course I had to Google that as well, because I'm like, what is this?

Turns out his adult molars are coming through. Oh my God, is it early? What did Google say? Google said that from six to 11, they get their first adult molars, second adult molars, and then the third adult molars are your wisdom teeth. So I saw that earlier then, because they're turning six this year.

Yeah. But yeah, early ish, but early in terms of our mother's group, no one else is going through this yet. So it's great. And thanks for going through this first to tell us. You're welcome. Yeah. So all of that kind of happened in that one sort of week. So hopefully that's in the past, but yes, the anxiety for me is, it's it's not been fun.

Yeah. Yeah. What about with you? I think, yeah, some anxiety, but I think not as bad as you're describing for you. Definitely the unknown is such a thing. It's like the bullying thing. I was like, Oh my God, fully for a second. I'm like what did she just say? What, how do I feel about this?

How do I process this? What do I, how do I react to this? So definitely anxiety in terms of the unknown. So Kenzo starting this whole new chapter of his life, primary school, that's going to be for the next seven years of his life. I get the whole identity thing, like the issues that Aiden's having, even Kenzo's having some of that because for them, their identity is shifting.

And for me, I find as a mom, my identity is shifting too, because I don't know, I feel like I'm no longer a mom of two young he's still obviously very young, but he's not a toddler anymore or a little kid, per se. So I think my identity is shifting in terms of that too. And it feels really strange to say, Oh, I'm going to pick Kenzo up from primary school.

Oh my God. And some of my friends who are in our mother's group, they're like, what? Primary school. I'm like, yes. Oh my gosh. That's wow. And so I feel like my identity is changing along with that. And. And that's got to do with I don't know how I treat him, I think. And expectations we mentioned the resilient thing to remind myself, yes he's very resilient and it's hard for me to describe.

I hope this is making sense, but my identity is, yeah, my identity is changing quite a bit as a family. I feel as well, that's changing. Yeah, it's, give me a few more weeks and I'll be able to articulate it better, but I just think me as a mum, my identity is just shifting and I'm not the same mum as I was two months ago.

That's probably the best you're going to get from me in terms of that. Do you think it's, Your identity is changing because he's growing up and he's growing older is it because this is what it is for me I don't have to change the way that I interact with him because like I said It doesn't want to hold my hand anymore when he crosses the road, which I'm like, it's a safety thing but at the same time if he's Okay, with crossing the road, like he'll look left and right and he'll still stand next to me and he's still safe about it.

Do I let go? As in literally let go of his hand and say, okay, as long as you're safe, as long as you look, as long as you still stand next to me, and I have to let that helicopter parent side of me. Go a little bit because he is now a school kid and he is older and he can start doing some of those things.

So is that what you mean by your identity? You're having to, I think so. And I think how you said, yeah, I think when you said you have to let go, it like resonated because that is physically the hand thing, metaphorically, literally, emotionally, every league I can think of, right? Because Yeah, I think that's that.

I think it's, I think it's that in terms of just the next stage of stepping back. And I remember reading somewhere, and I was like, Oh, this is a bit sad, but it was like, Being a mum is basically a lifetime of letting go. Yes. Yes. Oh my god, that makes me sad just thinking about it. I know. I know.

But it's a good thing in terms of because you want them to grow up. And become, adults who contribute to society and, give value to society and do all that stuff and being just good human beings. I suppose this is the first real step in terms of letting go.

Any advice at all? No, does anyone have any for me? Like I said, it's a joke that I don't take myself really, because I really should be. But. Yeah. To your point about the whole letting go, it's, I guess my job is to help Aiden become an independent individual. And I am, it is a struggle, right?

It's hard for us to go from being there be all and end all. Like I said, a couple of weeks ago, he was still clingy and wanted to be on me too. I'm not even interested in barely saying bye to you now. So it's hurts my heart. But at the same time, it's as much as it hurts, I want him to be independent. And so I have to keep reminding myself that it is for his benefit that he can stand on his own two feet, that he can , across the road by himself, without holding my hand.

All those little things that he's now doing, that I need to, I guess I do need to step back. I need to let go of my helicopter parenting and let him come to me like I'm still watching and I'm still observing so that I can step in when I need to but really I've, I'm stepping back to the point where I'm now letting him dictate what he needs from me rather than the other way around

but that's my advice is As they go through school, especially at the start, they might need you a little bit less.

Just be there for them. Watch, observe, so that if there's a change in personality, like you said, like straight away, you notice that, drop offs were getting a little bit weird and you're like, hang on a minute, something's not quite right here. Still be there. Still watch for those things, but let them come to you.

Let them dictate the terms. And you just guide them and help them develop and become independent. That's, it's hard, but that's that's all I can tell you. And lunchboxes, I just do them the night before because ain't nobody got time to do them in the morning. I do them in the morning. I do them in the morning.

I do them the night before. Am I panicking? Yeah, see? Oh my god, when am I going to make lunch? That's my advice. What advice do you have for me or anyone listening? Sure. I think, we knew in our heads. It's in our minds that it was a big milestone, that it was a big shift and the reality is it is. And I think for me, it's just like myself process it because, we've mentioned this before, but become a mom and you just.

In terms of how emotional you are, that magnifies by, I don't know, a thousand. And I just think about stuff and I want to cry. Yes, I was that mom that was bawling my eyes out, I'd drop off and I looked around and other moms start crying and I'm like, what the hell, what's going on here? And someone looked at me knowingly and they were like, I have an older, I have an older kid.

I've done this already. You, so you're good. And I'm like okay, sure. And And I was like, you know what effort I'm going to cry because I'm feeling those emotions. So I think that's something that , maybe it's a society thing where you feel like you need to hold that back, but stuff it. I let it all out.

It all happened. So that's a learning, when you go through big milestones and you have big emotions, like you tell your kids, like I tell Kenzo, feel those big emotions, let it all out. And then we will process it and deal with it. And that's just my advice to anyone listening.

And that's not just for primary school, but for everything. So yes I balled my eyes out and I embraced it. That was all good. And the other thing is, yes, there is an identity shift for them and for you. So however that looks, however you guys, go through that is it's going to be a thing.

I don't think your kids are going to start prime school and oh yeah, cool. There was no, challenges or no, changes at all. I think expect stuff. Cause that's going to happen. What else can I say? You've got to let go, as we said, again, that's so difficult, but expect that to definitely be a thing in some form.

And. Yeah. You can't really fight it as much as you might want to. So yeah, don't fight it because it's going to happen with or without you. So you might as well ride the wave, right? Yeah. We're on it. We're on the ride. It's happening regardless if you want it to happen or not. So I think that's it for us today.

Thank you for joining us today. We would love to know how starting school was for you and for your little one. So please send us any stories, any questions that you have, or any comments that you have, send that through to contact@milkandmadness.com.
So that we can grow and learn from each other. If you have any lunchbox tips, please send them through because I'm already running out of ideas and embrace every milestone and enjoy the school years. Thank you for joining us. Bye! Bye!