Milk and Madness

 Hey friends, welcome back to another episode of the Milk and Madness podcast, your virtual parents group, where we explore parenthood one episode at a time. If you're new to Milk and Madness, welcome. We are so glad to have you with us. And if you're a regular listener, we are so grateful. I'm your host, Nhi.

And I'm your host Dee. And today we are talking about the good, the bad, but mainly the ugly, specifically ways that we've either shielded or not shielded our kids from experiencing the ugly side of life, the things we'd rather they not see. So we're talking about those moments when we're upset, maybe crying, maybe the arguments that happen behind closed doors.

If you're tuning into our episode on parenting styles, you'll know I lean towards attachment parenting while Dee gravitates more towards a helicopter style. Attachment parenting does involve protection, but it's more about creating a deep sense of security and trust rather than completely shielding our kids from life's many challenges on the other hand, helicopter parenting is more focused on protecting your child by avoiding exposure to the harsher sides of life.

But how does this play out in our day to day parenting? How do we teach our kids resilience in the face of the ugly? And are there things we're intentionally hiding from them because we're not ready to let them face it yet?

Yep. Big topics. And I think, obviously, as the intro, said, it's an area of focus that I'm definitely working on. and so ever since we did our parenting style episode and we did the quiz that I found out that I was helicopter parent, it's really been great. I'm so glad that we did that quiz.

And if anyone hasn't listened to that episode, go back and listen to it do the quiz. It has helped in so many ways because it has really highlighted a lot of focus areas that I need to work on. And I know, I remember you were talking about it, that you're really surprised that I'm a helicopter parent.

And I really thought about it like in a lot of depth. And I think what you saw on the surface was obviously that I let my kids, play and fall over and be a little bit more adventurous and stuff. Where I think my helicopter ness, just made up a word, comes into play is more the emotional side of things.

I think it's more, less the physical, as you saw, and more the emotional. That's where I want to try and shield them. And obviously it's gotten better now that I know that I'm a helicopter parent, now that I know that's where I do try to overprotect in that space. I am conscious of it now, which is great because now I can adjust and modify my approach.

So this episode is probably just more for me, But I would love to hear some of your, strategies, some of the ways that, you, because you are really good in this space. I think you really have very open conversations with Kenzo and with Ambrose, but Kenzo is obviously your oldest. And so I would love to pick your brain a little bit and see, what ways and maybe even help somebody that's in the same position as I am to come to that sort of aha moment that I had, from doing that quiz.

Yes, I will get back to that question, some things that come to mind whilst we were doing the intro and just with what you said is there's so much that comes out of being self aware.

In terms of, how we approach things in life especially how we parent. And I agree with you because I was also surprised when I got attachment parenting, but then I read the description. I'm like, Oh no, that's not, I'm not surprised. that's me. but I just didn't know what it was.

I suppose I didn't know what it was that I was intentionally doing or trying to do. I feel the same with, as you in terms of with an episode when we did the quiz, it did highlight some stuff and it did bring some stuff, to the surface that maybe I've never thought about before in terms of how my husband and I have decided to parent our kids.

That's one thing that came to mind. the other thing that came to was the impact of our childhood on how we approach this. And, again, we had an episode where, this was brought up and, in the show notes, we'll make sure we reference these other episodes. So if you haven't listened to them, please do.

They were really great episodes. might be a bit biased, but, that's such a big factor in terms of what we were brought up, experiencing and what was role modeled to us. And it's one of those things where are we cookie cutter, like copies of our parents and what they need and our family, or have we gone opposite? Have we, taken that on board and gone, actually, no, I'm going to parent differently because of A, B, C, D, E, F. So that's really interesting stuff. yes, I think in terms of you and I, fundamentally, yes, there are some things that, We approach quite differently and I think in terms like the physical falling over and that kind of stuff I've definitely calmed down about that stuff.

At the start it's so easy for you to be like oh my god it's too high or you know you're gonna fall over and that kind of stuff but oh honestly they fall over a thousand times and I don't even wink. Anymore and is he crying? Not okay. We're good. It's all good. what type of cry is it? Oh, no, it's just a normal little cry.

That's fine. He's not in a lot of pain, right? So that kind of stuff we've definitely have learnt, and adapted a bit more to be a more calmer about, but yeah, I would say from the start, the emotional stuff, And again, I need to really analyze this in terms of the, just where it came from, but yeah, we have been really honest and open about emotions and, , mom's having a bad day today.

Mom's having, I'm having a bad day guys. Like I really need you to support me. can we get out of the house? quicker today, if we can, or, I'm so sorry I yelled, but, mum makes mistakes too. And when mum has big feelings, sometimes it is also hard for mum to deal with. So that kind of stuff we've been doing since forever.

And, and with Kenzo in particular, who is, He's the older one out of my two boys, but definitely the one who's needed more support in terms of regulation. He's six. In terms of people developing a, personal strategy, technique, ways we deal with stress and.

Help us regulate that stuff is a lifelong journey. look, he's six and I think honestly, he's doing all right and the last six months, we've seen just a massive growth with him in regards to how he deals with emotions and when he feels dysregulated. and especially when he feels. Anger, because anger is such a hard feeling to navigate, especially when you're six, you don't understand the world, what's going on and you don't understand, how people work and that kind of stuff.

So it's a really difficult emotion to navigate and he's definitely getting better at it, but yeah, from the start, I've always been really big on showing them that I'm human. Yeah. And my husband is, definitely shows them that he's, that he is also human. So from the start, we're like, we're human.

We F up too. And it's okay. It's how we deal with it after. How do we deal with their situation? You decide. So we've really been really big on that.

So is there anything though that you do? Deliberately shield your children from something that might be unpleasant. is there anything like that?

Yeah, look, they're still really young. So I think it's easing them into Emotions and easing them into the fact that mom and dad are human we talk about big feelings and we talk about you know If I'm overwhelmed myself or I'm overstimulated and I'm feeling exhausted, whatever it is, we would definitely talk about that stuff.

That's very PG, But then if my husband and I having a big argument and it gets to the point where we might want to scream at each other, then ideally I want that behind closed doors, I don't want them to be there witnessing it. Yes, they have seen us be short with each other. Absolutely.

And yes, they've seen us, be a bit grumpy and all that stuff because that's. that could be just normal day to day, you're tired. I'm tired stuff, but in terms of like the, I suppose the next level of intensity in regards to showing them that, we do have arguments and fights, that's maybe not yet. They will discover that anyways, as they get older in terms of. You don't have to get along with people all the time, and even people you love, you will disagree with, and that's totally okay. they don't necessarily need to see us yell at each other to understand that, but I think it's just, yeah, easing them into different levels of emotions, if that makes sense.

Yeah.

It does. I'm just thinking in terms of day to day, what do you do when you're having a shitty day? What do you do? What do you do when you're short with them? I don't know, eat some chocolate and hide in the cupboard.

That's healthy. I know, it's so healthy. So the day to day for me, I think with the kids, I've now probably the last, ever since Aiden started school, even before that a little bit, but especially now, like I said, especially from that episode, I think just highlighting what my parenting style is.

It's just exploded in, in my life. And I'm like, okay, I need to, like I said, it's become a focus area. So I'm like, okay, I need to address this. And I need to start looking at ways to make this better for everybody. And as well as that, like I said, Aiden's starting school. has really highlighted how naive he is, and that's not his fault.

I think it's because I have shielded him. So there's a lot of things that, in some ways, it's good, because he is like water off the duck's back. He doesn't really care about a lot of things that other kids maybe understand a little bit better, and so that they have that emotional reaction to. Whereas because he doesn't really grasp Some of these concepts for him is whatever it moves on.

But the flip side of that is he doesn't really have the empathy as well. So if it does happen or he does something to somebody else, he might not quite realize. The good thing about school is that we now have really good conversations about bullying, about, no means no, about other kids behaviours and why they might not be listening.

And, all those sorts of things. And obviously they get time outs and there's disciplinary actions taken by the teacher. And so we really talk about it. Sometimes it's obviously based on him because he's the one that's done something. But a lot of times, especially the last couple of, the last two terms, the first term was a little bit rocky, but last two terms, I don't think he's had any, timeouts or anything.

And I think it's really because we talked it through and we spoke about, the consequences of his actions, the consequences of his behaviors. And that's in part, Like me being vulnerable with him as well and talking about, like, when I have bad days and how I deal with my bad days and when I am having a moment when I am stressed, if they're taking forever to get ready in the morning, or if I even know the night before, tomorrow is going to be tight.

We need, we need to get in, we need to get out. I might say, Hey, guys, tomorrow, we don't have that much time to play. I really need you guys after you wake up. Eat your breakfast really quickly, and talk them through what I'm expecting of them and why.

And that's really helped. And then I always say that we can play on the weekend, we can do this activity. And so it's helped to help like for them to then understand where I'm coming from. And I don't want to make excuses for like why I might yell or anything like that. So I will again, explain why I've yelled, but I won't be like, Oh, I've yelled because you weren't ready in time or something.

I'll be like, look at the time we need to be out by, by the time this, hand gets to the three or the six or whatever time we need to leave. And we need to be out the door by this time so that we can be at school at this time and just work backwards with them.

And it's really helped. And then when I've been really overwhelmed, I will say, mommy's a little bit stressed. And it's been so good because they do talk a lot about emotions. And the other day I said something to Aidan. He straight away was like, oh, that's orange on the emotion chart.

And I'm like. Yes, it's not great. it's, it's creeping into the red. Because of X, Y, Z. And I try, again, I try not to make it their fault, but I try to help them understand why I'm getting to a particular point, why I'm orange on the emotional scale. And it's really helped.

That's my day to day. It's really trying to like, look inwards and what am I doing? And I will still yell, of course, and the kids always tell me off like, Mom, you don't need to yell. I'm like, okay. I know. I'm sorry. I'm just a little bit stressed. I'm a little bit worried that we're not going to make it on time and that I have to drop you off in the front of the school or I try and relate it back to them.

Cause that's how they understand. but yeah, I do try and avoid making it their fault. Not to say that I haven't done it in the past. We are all human. I have said, I've yelled because of X, Y, Z and I've yelled because you don't have your shoes on, or I've yelled because I've had to ask you so many times and things like that, but I try and catch myself whenever I say those things.

And then I. We'll consciously try not to say it next time.

It's so hard because we are human. And yeah, even though, we've had this approach from day one, yeah, absolutely. There've been times when I've yelled. I've just you know what, stuff this gentle parenting, like literally.

And they're like, Oh God. What's happened? What's happened? But the biggest thing I think when those happen, when those moments happen is just talking to them about it after. I always apologize after and I, that's not how mom wants to speak to you. And that's not how we speak to each other when we're upset.

But I just, mom was just, whatever's going on and then I'm sorry. And they're like, okay. very understanding about it. They're so good, your kids. Oh, yes and no. generally, they're pretty good with the emotion stuff. They're getting better. Kenzo is getting better. Ambrose is just, I don't know, he's not bad.

I want to say the easier kid, but that's not true either. but in terms of the emotional stuff, he's been just easier. He's three years younger, we're so different. Everyone's so different. And he has just got it without us having to really talk to him about it. And I wonder if that's because the whole time he's been alive, this has been our approach, and he's seen it with Kenzo, so maybe through osmosis, he's just been able to pick it up easier, maybe, I don't know, but, He's really aware of his impact or potential impact on other people. For a three year old, he acknowledges things.

He says, thank you, please. And he makes little comments. The other day, my sister babysat because, for Matt's birthday, we went away for a night. And Ambrose has this thing where he gives compliments out. I've never talked to him about it. and it's, yeah. and my sister, when we got home, my sister's Oh, he said to me, Auntie Fung, your earrings, so pretty.

Bless, he is so sweet. So sweet. And every time I put on a dress on that he may have not seen, or actually any dress, he'll tell me, Mom, you're a princess. And it will say in his special Ambrose way, and I'm just like, it was just so beautiful yourself. Oh my God. I'm getting teary to them talking about it, but I'm like, I didn't teach you this.

I don't think so. Where we got it from. It's just, it's so amazing. And Kenzo is the opposite. I'll put a new outfit on and it'd be like, Hey, what do you think? You'd be like, I hate it. I'm like, okay, sure. So there's no shielding, shielding them from, being harsh or anything like that. The, the other thing with this topic, Is that we can to some level control what they see from us or, what we say to them, but then it's also. the big bad world in regards to, when we're out with them and we see other people and, there might be people having a fight or an argument or whatever it is, and we can't really shield them so much from that.

Have you had much experience?

not out in public. It's mostly been at school. Out in public, I think they just don't, I don't know. I've never really seen anyone fighting. Obviously we've seen like things like car accidents and they'll ask like, why do they have a car accident?

I'm like, I don't know. They, maybe they're on the phone. Maybe they, I don't know. I try to give them different scenarios. Cause I try to not to like, oh, they were doing the wrong thing. I'm like, I don't know what they were doing. Could have just been an accident. so I try and Talk them through all the different options of how someone may have gotten to that situation and same with behavior and kids at school.

And I find that Aidan does learn a lot through the experience or through seeing other people do certain things. yesterday we had a really big conversation about no means no because he was telling me that two of his friends were chasing him around trying to kiss him. And so I was got like boys, two other boys, friends.

I don't know, they're just mucking around, right? They're just kids. I don't really understand. Try to explain to him like when it comes to your body, so when it comes to your body, whether it's a hug, whether it's a kiss, whether it's just touching your body. If you say no, they need to listen to that. And so we had that whole conversation around that.

a lot of it is, 'cause we do have a couple of kids that, have some learning difficulties and they do play up in class a little bit. And so Aiden's always this kid is naughty. This kid is bad and I always have to correct him and again, give him options of what may have caused that because I don't know the situation.

I'm not there either. And so I always say to him, I'm like, maybe they were hungry. when you're hungry, sometimes you get, get a little bit grumpy and it's, again, it's really helped because when he does get grumpy, I go through the, are you hungry? Are you tired? Let's take a second. Let's figure out, let's diagnose, let's figure out why you're behaving this way.

And then I've also been doing that as well. If I'm finding myself like getting a bit angry, I'll be like, Oh, hang on a minute. Maybe I'm hungry. Maybe I should eat something. Yes. That's what it is. And Oh. show them, I model that. I try and model it so that they can understand that's how they need to figure it out as well, and then obviously the breathing.

Breathing has been huge. We had a massive conversation about anger, the other day again, because whatever is the friends at school, was angry, and I don't know, was doing whatever. And I said, they, there must have been angry about something. what do you think he could have done to calm down a little bit?

And we had a massive conversation. I explained to him about how when you're angry, you just, you can't problem solve until you calm down. So I said, the best thing to do when you're angry is to calm down first. And again, I gave him examples. I'm like, do you remember when this happened? And we calmed down and then we were able to figure it out.

I said, but you can't figure it out unless you're calm. And so obviously we do the breathing things and they've got like this at the school. They do like the breathing with your fingers and stuff. And I was trying to teach him, draw a star in the sky, a star in the air, but I'm like, the finger thing is so much better.

So if you don't, if you don't know about it, it's literally just get your child to start at the base of their thumb and then they breathe in, hold it, breathe out, and then, they trace their fingers and they breathe in and breathe out by the time they get to the end. They're calm. They're like, yeah, you're great.

So I've started to do that. , I just have to model it because I think my issue with trying to shield the kids is that I don't show them my vulnerabilities. And so I'm really trying to do that now and, model all of that onto them. I really do struggle with my emotions and I know that then has an impact. But to your point about the second kids, Amelia is so in tune. She just knows. Less the second kids. She just knows, and she is just so different to Aiden. Like I said, Aiden's has no clue what's going on, is pretty naive, which is great to be.

But she really cares, and she really, analyzes, and she thinks. thinks about it and she's so kind and just gentle and wants to be good and wants to, do these nice things. And yeah, it's very different. So I'm like trying to make sure she doesn't people please. And I'm trying to get Aiden to be more empathetic and it's hard. It's so hard to like balance between the two personality styles..

You, I think you bring up a really good, topic, which is people pleasing.

And. People pleasing is a hard topic for me because I think I jumped between absolutely not a people pleaser and then maybe actually sometimes.

So I was thinking this last night because I was working really late last night and I was doing something that was a volunteer thing that somehow I agreed to do. , so Kathleen and I, our mutual friend, the teacher friend who we mentioned a few times, if you're a regular listener, We do Park Run every Saturday.

It's a event that happens at 8am globally and, you run 5Ks and it's ran by volunteers, which is so incredible. It's such , an amazing community. I genuinely love it. And, Yeah, so we do it every weekend and we volunteer. And somehow my involvement in regards to volunteering has just grown exponentially recently.

So there are different roles that you can volunteer in, during the event. So we do that, sometimes you might be a park walker, which just means you walk the path to make sure, if there's any incidents, you see it. Someone might be a photographer. Someone might be a timekeeper. I've been doing run director, which is like literally being the one who runs the whole thing during the event.

So I've done that a couple of times. And then now, because of what I do, in my day job, I'm helping them manage their WordPress. And I'm publishing content for them. So last night at 11 o'clock, I'm sitting there and I'm doing this website and I'm like, wait a second, what am I, what's happened here?

I don't really recall how I went from just doing, park runs. To volunteering here and there being like photographer or whatever to now literally I'm running this website for them like how did this happen? I don't know but then I don't know I thought about it Then I was okay with it because this is something that I do Genuinely love being part of and it's a community that I really love and the people are so nice I'm okay with that.

So upon further reflection, I think overall in terms of people pleasing, I'm not a people pleaser. Like I've always been very strong in terms of saying no and believing the importance of that. And I think it is so important for me to show my kids. You don't need to be a people pleaser for people to like you.

You don't need to be a people pleaser for you to be successful in life. And. It is better for you to not be a people pleaser because stick to your guns, stick to what you want to say yes to. I think the people pleasing thing is something in terms of, the bad, the ugly stuff.

Like it is a personality trait that if I can get in as early as possible to try to minimize. and educate. I think that is so important. It's just, it's really hard, right? Because once, I feel like once you get into that, it just snowballs. It does.

Yeah.

So what do you think?

Yeah. I fall into the category of people pleasing a little bit.

I tend to go overboard and it's not, I don't know. I've always had this thought that, if someone's going to be your friend, be their friend in their time of need. if they ask you to do something or they need something from you, be their friend in their time of need. My issue comes from not letting people reciprocate that to me, and so a lot of the times I feel like I'm always giving.

It's my own fault. I feel like I'm always giving, but then I'm not getting in return. Not because they don't offer, not because they don't want to. It's because I don't allow it. And so it usually gets to a stage where I'm like cutting people out or whatever, because I'm like, I can't do this anymore.

It's my own stuff though. So I'm really trying to work through that. We, as I mentioned, I think the last episode, we do help out where we can and take kids to events and whatnot where we can, but I'm trying to be very conscious of when I do it and, am I going out of my way?

Cause a lot of the times I do go out of my way to go and do stuff. So now I'm like, no, I have to think about. Is it, am I actually going there? Is it out of my way to go and pick up this kid and drop them off and all that? If it's not, sure, no worries, no issue. But I don't want to set, especially with Amelia, like I said, because she really does want to, do the right thing and all that.

I really don't want her to feel like she has to do these things for people to like her. I think she needs to learn that it's okay for people not to like her. It's okay for, her to not like somebody as well. I think I tend to gravitate towards avoiding conflict a lot, and so that is again on me trying to shield the kids, because I just, I don't like it.

if somebody's having a conflict, I'm like, you know what, that's your business. In some ways, again, pros and cons, in some ways it's good because it's I don't get involved, but in other ways, I think they don't get that exposure to see what real life actually is like. Maybe I take them like, Some sort of sporting event where people can get a little bit drunk and rowdy.

And that's not, that's, they haven't seen that before. So that would be completely unusual for them to see. but I know that from my own personal growth and my own personal experiences, I've had to see those things to really understand those things. Otherwise you have no concept of it. So even though I know I need to expose them to these things, maybe it's an age thing.

Maybe I think they're still too little. so like you said, like slowly. step by step, introduce the different emotions and build on those emotions. Like they know, confusion and whatever, but they're like, let's talk about stress. Let's talk about anxiety as they get a bit older and get them to really understand what that means.

but yeah, I really need to, even though I have done a lot of soul searching and all of that, I really need to start looking more. at why I do this, the certain things that I do and people pleasing, I don't know if I'll ever stop. If I'll be completely honest, I think it's partly personality trait as well.

If it makes you feel good, do it. Yeah. I think so. My personal look, I don't know what the official definition of people pleasing is, but like my definition is if I, people pleasing for me is when I say yes to someone else in the detriment of my own.

If it means that I'm going to be upset that I did something, or I wish I hadn't wasted time doing something, or, it's, it impacted my life in a way, negatively, maybe it caused me stress.

maybe I already had a full weekend and I said yes to someone because, I couldn't say no, and therefore it meant, sunday night, I'm absolutely depleted. That would be, I would say classified as people pleasing,

helping your friends out, doing lovely things, Christmas, because you enjoy it.

I don't think that's people pleasing. And I think, your Christmas thing, because again, if anyone's listening and you don't know, Dee is crazy Christmas person and it's really sweet and lovely. And, we get like handmade, what is it? Like egg feeder things from you each Christmas, or we get Oh, bath bombs was last year.

There were the bird feeders. It's so sweet. And I don't think that's people pleasing. So I think there may be times when you're a bit hard on yourself, if you're classifying that stuff, there's people pleasing, if you get enjoyment from it, do it. I think

this is the thing. I'll say yes, and I get enjoyment from it until it gets too much, because I'm saying yes to too much, that's where I'm saying I need to draw the line, cause I just go overboard. Anyway, sidebar there.

That's another episode where we can write it down and analyze.

Can you tell me what's wrong with me? yeah. Hey, I was just thinking, In terms of being vulnerable with our kids and, you and I've talked about like different things. levels of that we're doing. it's that's come naturally to me, but I've never thought about it before.

I really did it. But do you think that's a positive thing that we're doing?

Yes, I think so. in saying that I'm assuming the answer is yes, but have you cried in front of your kids? Oh my god, absolutely,

all the time, because crying is normal, crying is, you feel like crying, do it, it's okay for you to cry Kenzo, because you fell over, Ambrose, you can cry because you didn't get a cookie, it's fine mate, do it, and I'm so conscious of it because they're boys.

Like men, generally men repress emotions. Men, a lot of men don't know how to deal with emotions. A lot of men can't validate their emotions. I want my boys to grow up to be men who acknowledge, validate, feel their feelings and can process and deal with it. That's just healthy. And I'm really conscious of the fact that I have boys because I don't want them to grow up to be all those things, right?

Repressed, can't deal with emotions, get stressed at work because of a promotion and then completely lose it. No. And also what's really important is that I want them, when they grow up and have partners, That they can be emotionally supportive, they can be, they can deal with whatever feelings, they're gonna, they're gonna fall in love, they're gonna break up, they're gonna have people who let them down, people who disappoint, people who, come and go, like all that stuff, and I just need to be able to sleep at night.

Knowing that whatever situation that they are in emotionally, that they can deal with it. That is just so important to me. Yeah, I can't lose sleep over it. It just, I just can't. So yes, I've seen me cry all the time. And Ambrose will be like, what's wrong, Mum? Why are you crying?

And I'm like, sometimes you cry because you're happy. But yes, I might be sad or I might be whatever, or that movie, whatever it was like could be for whatever reason. And the other thing is there are no bad and good emotions. There are emotions. We feel them. Let's embrace all the emotions.

So when I'm angry, I'm sad, all that stuff, I acknowledge it with them. And they're all equally important. but obviously we want to feel happy more because it's nice, you don't want to be sad all the time. It's okay for you to be sad. So you're telling me your kids have not seen you cry?

How? I'm letting me cry to begin with. And then, I don't know, I just don't. What are you talking about? You get teary talking about kids too. I do, but I'm not crying like upset. Okay. Something's happened or whatever. but I'm so like emotional now. Like I'll watch them at the graduation.

I'm crying, but they don't see that. Cause I'm like, got my glasses on and Aiden's up on stage. You can't see me. I'm just like. but yeah, I'm really good at talking them through their feelings and telling them that it's okay to cry. It's okay to let it out and all that jazz, but I don't take my own advice.

I'm good at dishing it out, but not so good at taking it right. And I think great that I can let them express themselves, but not great that I don't role model that for them. So I need to figure out a way how to do that and start. feeling my feelings as well, properly and not suppressing. Cause I am a big suppressor and then it's not great.

I think you're still doing a great job, right? in terms of acknowledging it with them and going through it with them. I think that's so great because I think lots of other parents may not be doing that. we have our own traumas and sometimes that stuff is just, It really impacts stuff and I know that, there are a lot of people out there with traumas.

We all have our own traumas and it can affect it. So I think the fact that you are already talking to your kids about their emotions and validating and I think that's really great.

Don't be so hard on yourself. Oh, it's a star for sure. It's definitely a start. I just need to, I don't know, hang around you a little bit longer and watch what you do.

I should do that too. Come over anytime you want. And so one of them will have a meltdown and you can see me in action. Yeah. Okay. How's, how are you feeling? Go into this crisis management mode and we just talk about it .

It is really natural for you though.

Like I can see that it just, it's just, I think the difference is because you also embody that, it does, it is very natural for you, whereas for me it's like I have to be very conscious of it because it doesn't come naturally to me. Not that, that's a bad thing, it's just it's obviously easier for you to just, whip into action and go and talk through it and show them and all of that.

So again, work in progress, lots of things, parenting is a journey, it's not a destination. Oh God. I've been doing this forever and ever. Once a parent, always a parent. Yep.

So before we wrap up, there was just one other thought I had whilst you were talking earlier, and it was also, it was explaining to my boys that how other people feel or react to a situation is not on you, right?

How you react and respond to a situation is on you. that is, it's something more that I've talked to them about than them actually seeing, I think, because it hasn't, we haven't had a situation where maybe, we're at Bunnings and Bunnings that comes into mind because we're there every weekend, but, where maybe there's a confrontation and someone's being aggressive and therefore I can show them how I can respond to that, we haven't had that situation yet, but it's something that I think about a lot and because it's something that, as an adult, It's a journey learning that, and I don't, I feel like I'm at a place now where it makes sense more that if someone doesn't like you.

Or if someone is angry at you, or if someone is bullying you or whatever it is more about them than about you. And you can respond to it however you want to respond to it. You have full control of that. But in terms of the ugly stuff, there's going to be that stuff. It's going to happen to you.

Just know that is not on you. If someone's bullying you, it's their issues. And we've had exposure to that already. Like Kenzo was getting bullied and you said, Aiden's been hit or whatever. So I think that is really important. Do you know what it is? Is I think about all these life lessons and learnings that I've had when I was.

25, when I was 30, when I'm 37, and I'm like, how do I get that stuff to them as quickly as possible? Because then they can just be ahead, hopefully, but that's the stuff that I think about all the time. And that's the stuff that I remember talking to you and Kathleen about. If I had girls. Because, in terms of feelings and emotions and , being a woman, being a teenage girl and dealing with, there's a lot.

And I always I always thought if I had girls, this is the list of things that I'm going to try to teach her as early as possible.

Yeah. I need that list.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. and that's the, I suppose it's the other side of that list for the boys and there's stuff that's just as important.

Yeah. Yeah. But there's other stuff in terms of the flip side, if they were to grow up and date women that they need to be able to tick as well. So that's just the last thought I had in terms of this topic. but as we wrap up today's discussion. It's clear that our shared goal as parents is to protect our children while we figure out the best way to do And just highlight figure out or trying to figure out the best way to do so whilst we make mistakes and we learn things. the challenge lies in finding the right balance between shielding them from life's harsher realities. emotions, situations, and giving them the space to grow, learn, and build resilience.

As we always say, every family is different. There's no one size fits all approach. We're simply sharing where we are on our journey, not expecting anyone to follow our same path. Feel free to, take any tips that you may have got from this episode, but it's your journey. So do what comes naturally, what feels right to you. Our hope though, is that these conversations provide insight into our parenting experiences and perhaps offer comfort to yourself on your journey.

What matters most really is being mindful of our choices, staying open to change and always prioritizing what's best for our children in the long run.

Thank you so much for joining us on this journey of exploration and reflection. We hope today's conversation has given you some food for thought as we are navigating this parenting path together. If you enjoyed the episode, please subscribe. Please leave us a review and share with your family and friends.

Thank you for tuning in to Milk and Madness. This has been Dee and Nhi. Until next time, catch you later friends. Bye.