We LOVE being mums, but there are days we HATE it... 😢 (Ep. 8)
Download MP3Look. It's a roller coaster. It's gonna come in waves. There are gonna be days where you hate being a mum. There will be.
Nhi:Absolutely. Welcome. This is Nhi and Dee. We're the hosts for the Milk and Madness podcast. Thank you for joining us.
Nhi:We can all, without a doubt, agree parenting is hard and has its many challenges, but it can also be the most rewarding experience. Today, we are exploring what we love about being a mom, but also some advice for when you're not loving it.
Diana:So we've spoken a bit about the roller coaster of parenting and the challenges that we faced, and hopefully you guys are still with us and we haven't scared anyone off in the process. Because as difficult as it can be, it's also one of the most rewarding experience I've had in my entire life. There are a 1,000,001 hurdles, so let's jump in. I have some questions for you. Okay.
Diana:What are you currently loving about being a mom?
Nhi:So many things come to mind. I had expectations before becoming a mom that I would love it. I think the thing is the stuff that I love absolutely outweigh the things that frustrate me about being a mom, and I have to remind myself of that. When I'm in those moments where I'm going a bit mental, I just think the opportunity of being a mom itself is something that I genuinely really love and feel so grateful to have been given. I love that these kids, the amount of love that they have to offer.
Nhi:Right? And I I remember reading somewhere that kids just wanna be your best friend. Mhmm. And I think it's such a great opportunity. It's just a wonderful opportunity that I have to be able to have those amazing relationships.
Nhi:There is pressure in terms of it's the magnitude of the responsibility of having this opportunity to bring up these kids. I want to make sure I bring up kids who are just good human beings, who contribute to society, and who achieve whatever it is that they want to achieve. And I think for me, like, one of the biggest things that I love about being a mom is that opportunity to be able to do that. And I find it really rewarding in terms of seeing them grow and seeing them learn from things that I've helped them achieve. And it changes depending on what age they're in.
Nhi:But even the other day, I was speaking with my husband. Our oldest, he's so good now with sleep. There's no issues. He's so great with toilet training, and he's all good. And brush his teeth, no worries.
Nhi:He's getting better with food. He's starting to learn to read, and I'm like, hell, yeah. We did that. That is so great. And they're going to be my biggest accomplishments for sure.
Nhi:My biggest legacy. And I think that's such a crazy opportunity to have. So I really love that. But what do you love about it? What's rewarding for you?
Diana:I need to stop letting you go first because you just stop the conflict.
Nhi:Hey. That was off top of my head.
Diana:Well, I know. But yeah. You hit the nail on the head. Absolutely. I know I'm being biased, but I have the best kids.
Diana:Like, I am so lucky that the whole pregnancy, getting pregnant, the labor, everything to date has just been in perspective to everything else. It's been amazing. It has been hard, but you're right. Like, seeing them blossom, seeing them grow, seeing the impact that you've had on their life, the ways that you nurture them, the ways that you influence them, It's so rewarding. It's so beautiful, and you you literally nailed it when you said that the the good outweighs the bad.
Diana:You can have sleepless night, teething issues, whatever it might be, and then they give you a smile and they just cuddle you around your neck, and they just snuggle into you. And it all just literally disappears. It's magic. I don't know how it happens, but the coolest thing that they do can either frustrate or it can just make your whole day, so much better. Or they just turn around and they say I love you, or they just do something so cute, and you're just like, okay.
Diana:Nothing else matters. It's just such a beautiful moment. And, yes, we had the same sort of situation the other day where I had them at the at a park or a playground or a place center or somewhere, and my daughter was going up the slide and I'm really big about safety. Like, you got to be careful. Like, you don't go up the slide because people are coming down.
Diana:You can knock all that sort of stuff. And before I even got a chance to say something, my son, my older child, turned around and was like, Millie, I don't do that. It's not safe. And I was just
Nhi:like, oh, bless.
Diana:Yes. And I'm saying sort of thing. I'm like, Katie took me 60 times to say it over and over and, yeah, it sunk in eventually. But you just start seeing those things that when they share with each other, when they are kind to other people, when they're observant about things, when they're curious about things, they're the things that I love. I love seeing them question things and ask things.
Diana:That's the sort of stuff that I love. I love that interaction with them now that they, you know, they're getting a little bit older. Obviously, language is a a lot better than when when they were babies, or smaller. And so they're able to articulate more, and they're just a lot more inquisitive. And so I just I'm really loving this phase of life now where it's more, like you said, a friendship style.
Diana:Like, of course, I still have to be a mom and I still have to set boundaries and tell them off when they're doing the wrong thing or not be the fun parent sometimes. But I'm really loving that sort of more complex interaction that we're having now that they are getting older and it's really beautiful. Like, it's so rewarding and so beautiful.
Nhi:It really is.
Diana:Do you have any advice for someone who isn't enjoying parenthood?
Nhi:Yes. Absolutely. Look, it's a roller coaster. It's gonna come in waves. There are gonna be days when you hate being a mom.
Nhi:There will be. Absolutely. Just remember that it will go and that these little human beings love you so much and that you love them more than anything in the world. And when it becomes difficult, allow yourself to feel that you are only human. You will have bad days.
Nhi:All the sleepless nights and you've probably haven't eaten properly. You have done no me time. You probably haven't showered as well in a couple of days. Like, all that stuff just adds up, and then you you will have days where you just you know what? You're not gonna leave the house.
Nhi:You're just gonna do what you need to do to survive that day, and that is totally okay. I think what happens often is that we beat ourselves up when we feel that because we think that as a mom, we should always be on. We should always be all over it, and it's okay if you're not. And when you see other moms out and she looks terrible and the kids are screaming, you know she's having a rough day. Be empathetic to other moms.
Nhi:I think that's really helpful. So when you're in that moment and you hate being a mom, just remember it will pass. I can tell you it get ease it gets easier, but I've also been told by many friends that there's always new challenges, which I have accepted. You think you've mastered something or you've managed to get through whatever issue that you're having with your kids. Taller training for example is quite difficult.
Nhi:There's always gonna be the next thing, the next challenge because you are literally guiding them through life right now until they can move out and do their own thing, but you're literally responsible for them. So it's okay if some days that responsibility is a bit much. How about you? Do you have any advice?
Diana:Yeah. So you're right. You can't you can't be on 247. Like, it's it's not humanly possible. I remember when I was a kid, and I don't know if you had this as well, but did you used to think, like, your parents knew everything?
Diana:They had the answers to everything. They had it all together. Did you yeah? Or were you like this? They don't know what's going on.
Diana:Oh, okay. I think I
Nhi:realized they were human very early. Really? See, I Yeah.
Diana:Absolutely. Sort of put them on a pedestal. I always thought they knew at all. And
Nhi:yeah. I grew up pretty quickly, I think, in lots of ways because I had to like, they were going through, like, a rough divorce, and I just I always knew that they were human.
Diana:Okay. Yep. Alright. I I I didn't until later on. My parents got divorced when I was about 11 or 12.
Diana:So I'm talking, like, earlier when I was, like, a lot younger. Mhmm. Because, yeah, that that stuff, it does make you grow up pretty quickly and save things for what it really is. But when I was really little, I thought I honestly thought that they were just perfect, and they couldn't do they could do no wrong and all of that. And going through this, I think I almost had that expectation on myself that I need to give that perception to other people and to the kids and all of that.
Diana:And what I've learned is it's okay to tell them you're having a bad day. It's okay to take them through that and explain to them, I'm really tired today, so we're not gonna go wherever it is that we might have been going. We're just gonna stay home and have a chill day, and we're gonna watch some TV or do drawing. It's okay to pivot and change. And if you've got plans, cancel them.
Diana:Don't feel like you have to be on and where you're supposed to be at all times Because they're the times when it just compounds and your anxiety and how overwhelming everything is. You end up going to the party and then you have you get home and you end up cracking it because something's happened because the kids are then tired and you didn't wanna go to begin with and you're already stressed out. It just there's no point. Like, why? Like, why do that to yourself?
Diana:Just just chill. Just chill. Do what you can do. Just chill. And it's not gonna be every day.
Diana:Like, it's some days, it might be in the morning. Like, you find the morning's really stressful because you've gotta get out the door by a certain time. So I've started to I'm gonna sound really lame right now. But I have a very good routine and a very good, like, process of how to do lame.
Nhi:That's not lame.
Diana:Well, it is when you talk about it in corporate terms. But anyway, I try and stick to it, and it doesn't always work. But if I know that the kids are not morning kids or there's a certain time of day where they're a little bit more cranky than other times. Like I'll make sure that we're at home at those times of day. Just finding those things that work for you just to make it a little bit easier so that when you are having those bad days, when you have that have a have a combination of both throughout the day and whatever you can do.
Diana:Those little things. Getting up before the kids. Getting yourself ready before the kids. Just those little things. Whatever works.
Diana:Do them. Try them. If they don't work, try something else, and you'll see it'll make it so much more enjoyable.
Nhi:Would you say that was or is your biggest advice or lesson that you've experienced? Yeah. Probably. I think
Diana:just testing what works for your kid because Mhmm. Like, we've got 2 now and my kids and most things work the same way, but there's definitely a lot of things that just do not work. My daughter gives 0 f's about things. I can try and try things with her and try and tell her things where my son, I will tell him. I'm like, oh, Aidan, don't leave that here because someone could trip on.
Diana:He's okay, mommy. And you'll go and put it away. My daughter could not care less. So I I have to just try different ways to get through to them, to help them understand things. And it honestly, it's such a you have to just learn who they are as a person, what motivates them.
Diana:It's not one size fits all in any family situation for any 2 2 different children. You just have to talk to other moms and go, okay. How did you deal with this? Like, how did what worked for you? And then try it.
Diana:Does it work? Does it not work? And as soon as you make it work, something changes. And and I found a quote yesterday. Let me see if I can find it.
Diana:That I thought was just perfect. Here we go. So the quote was, I can't quit. I have someone's childhood in my hands. Mhmm.
Diana:And I was like, that's so true. Their childhood and how they are raised and how they feel about themselves and how they think about the world, that's on you, and I just wanna do the best job that I can. So if all it takes is being a little bit patient, trying a few different things, and adapting myself to better help them understand them theirselves, then let's do it. Like, it doesn't cost me anything. Like, it's it's not that hard.
Diana:It's fine almost sometimes. I'm pulling out my hair because I'm like,
Nhi:it's work yesterday. It can be fun. Remember that if you're and having a bad day.
Diana:Yeah. What about you? What's your most valuable lesson?
Nhi:I think, look, what you said absolutely in terms of remembering that they're individual people with different personalities and different things that they will respond to. That's your first kid, you'll get to know really well. And then you have your second kid, just remember that kid is a different kid. Right? I think the biggest thing for me that has made such has made me a better mum when I realized it, and also I'm still working on it.
Nhi:I think I'll be working on it for a while, is remembering in those moments that my kids are not doing whatever they're doing to annoy me or frustrate me. That's not the agenda. Like, just take that out of the equation, and that just changes everything for me. I read somewhere that in those moments and we react, it's all about us. It's got nothing to do with the kids at all.
Nhi:And that's something that I have, I would say, still learning, but have started on that that process, and it's just changed everything for me. I think absolutely made me a better mom. Realizing in those moments, it's just it's how I respond, it's me. How I respond, I have complete control of, and I try to shift things into make it fun now. And I would say the sooner you learn this, the better.
Nhi:Your newborn baby is crying because it's hungry, it's tired, it's trying to connect with you. It's there are, like, there are 5, 6 potential possibilities. It's not trying to keep you up. That's not its agenda. So I would say that's the biggest thing for me.
Diana:Yeah. That's so true. Let's let's go a little bit off topic, and I'm gonna throw in a I'm going rogue a little bit.
Nhi:Oh, god. Okay.
Diana:I don't know about you, but when obviously, I had Aiden for this, like, first child. You know, you do read a lot of different things. And I remember reading the whole and I don't even know what it's called. That that method where let them cry it out or whatever
Nhi:it is. Yes. Yes.
Diana:And I remember reading that, and then I became a parent. I'm like, I I just can't do it. Even if I wanted to, I just I can't.
Nhi:I can't. I couldn't do it either.
Diana:Yeah. And I because what you said just reminded me of that. The child is crying because they're trying to communicate and they're trying to tell you something. The child is throwing a tantrum because they're trying to communicate and they're trying to tell you something. And when you ignore them or, you know, validate their feelings or you don't try and problem solve and and figure out what gets the root of it and you just you get triggered and you yell or you whatever it is that you do, you walk off or you put them in their room or whatever it might be.
Diana:I just feel like there are better ways to deal with that. And that's not to say that I haven't done it. There's times where I've put the kids in their room and I'm like, you know what? I I can't. Like, now I'm not in the right head space to to deal with this, and I've always gone back and rectified it and calmed down first because there's no point, obviously, in trying to fix them when I'm not in the right headspace.
Diana:So it's not like I haven't done it, but I just wonder what your opinion is on that sort of approach and letting them cry it out. And you obviously didn't you didn't do that because you said you couldn't even if you wanted to.
Nhi:Yeah. It's really interesting because there's so many different theories and strategies. It's for everything with parenting. Absolutely. And if you're the type of person who's gonna read it before you do it, good on you.
Nhi:I think what's important is to consider different approaches and then consider what's gonna work for you and your kid. We did some sleep training with our oldest Kenzo when he was, I think, about 3 months old. Like, he was doing okay, but we just felt he needed a bit more help in terms of just getting to that complete, like, sleep through the night thing. And so my mother-in-law and my husband did that. I couldn't do it.
Nhi:And they did a kind of a version of cried out, but I think it was like go in and then extend it by minute every time or something like I I wasn't part of it. And that really worked for Kenzo. So I think I don't know. I'm I'm I wouldn't just read something. Oh, you know what?
Nhi:No. That's rubbish. But you know yourself. First of all, is it gonna be something that works for you? Can you listen to your child cry for half an hour without going in?
Nhi:I can't. I didn't do that. But then you then you give birth and you learn more about your child and and maybe it's something to revisit. I'm not sure. But I wouldn't say poo on a strategy straight away.
Nhi:Right? I would say
Diana:Pooh, I love how you made it.
Nhi:Gotta make it peasy. I wouldn't just put on it. I would consider them against others. Is it something that works for me? Maybe it's not.
Nhi:Maybe it works for your friend. Don't judge other people if they do a strategy that you've poo pooed. I don't know. I think just be open to it. Like, you don't know until you go through it yourself.
Nhi:Yeah. And you don't know what someone else's situation is or their kids inside out. So I wouldn't be closed mind on things.
Diana:Yeah. Yep. Yeah. No. I I love how you knew yourself enough to say, I I can't do this.
Diana:And you said somebody else. Yeah. Can you guys do it with this? Yeah. When your son is 3, he can talk.
Diana:So he can verbalize things a lot more versus a baby. And it's, it is hard. Like it breaks your heart. And there might be times where you're like, you know what? I'm really exhausted.
Diana:Like I need you to do this, but you did it and you sought professional help as well. So they would have guided you through it. And I think
Nhi:You and my mother-in-law professional. Absolutely.
Diana:Oh, was it just those 2? Oh, so I thought you went Yep. And got, like, professional.
Nhi:My mother-in-law professional help. Yes. She knew what she was doing. She trained Where
Diana:did you go?
Nhi:She sleep trained my husband, and she was like, yep. Call me. Coming over doing it. I'm like, thank you.
Diana:Oh, awesome. Awesome. There you go. She's got real life experience, and it's something that you tried and I'm sure if it didn't work, like, you would have gone, okay, this is not working. It's not.
Diana:So, because that's the thing. You get to learn your baby and you get to learn their cries. And I remember when Ada was a baby and Amelia, I would know, are they hungry? Are they in that bitch? You just know, you just, you hear them and you just learn what their cries are and what they mean.
Diana:And I knew straight away when they were crying, because they just wanted attention. I'm like, no, what's going on right now? And so in those situations, I was able to let them cry a little bit longer. It wasn't like I wasn't there or anything like that, but it was I'm like, okay, I know you're not in distress. I know you're distressed cry.
Diana:And I know when you're like, I'm bored. I need some attention right now, and I don't wanna go to sleep or whatever it was. So it's you do you learn your kids, but it's definitely interesting to see all the different strategies and, maybe we'll unpack some more away. Mhmm. Mhmm.
Nhi:Absolutely. With your kids, what's your favorite traits? What do you love about them? Everything. Mhmm.
Diana:My sweet tits.
Nhi:Yeah. Be real here.
Diana:When oh, look. When they fight with each other, I was like, can you guys just stop? It's so not important. It's really funny. So they fight a lot about who's in their car seat first, and they get buckled in 1st.
Diana:And it's like this whole big thing about who's first. I've said it so many times, but it's not really important who's first. And now they're like, they get it. Like, I'm in my seat first and my and then my son will say that, and then my daughter will be like, it doesn't matter who's in this seat. I'm just like, oh, man.
Diana:You're gonna be trouble when you grow up. It's so funny. So my son's really sporty, like, really sporty, and he's really into music at the minute.
Nhi:He was the first one to start crawling out of our whole mother's group from memory.
Diana:Yeah. And he was fast. Do you remember how fast he was? He was just --ando crawling. He was like, here one second, there the next.
Diana:You're like, yes. New Reese. He's like, oh, he's all around the other side of the room. Oh my gosh. Yep.
Diana:Super sporty. But I love how I can just see how his mind thinks about things. And I can see that when he does have the moment where he is really overwhelmed and he might throw something or he might yell or he might do something, I can see that afterwards, he really thinks about it and he really analyses his behaviour. Mhmm. And he's so super curious.
Diana:They both are. Like Amelia asks a million she's going through that y phase at the minute. She asks a 1,000,000 and one questions, but and and they both do. So I love how he's a little bit competitive as well. Like, he's quite conscious of eating healthy because he wants to run fast and all that sort of stuff.
Diana:I'm really super proud of how he's growing and developing. And Amelia is just she's just Amelia. She just lives her life by the beat of her own drum. She just doesn't care. She's just so sassy.
Diana:And as much as I I love it, I know we're gonna clash later on in life, which is fine because I don't want compliant kids. But sometimes I'm like, could you just do what I aspire to do? But she she yeah. Like I said, she's going through that why phase, and I can see that she takes it all on board. Like, it's not just like why?
Diana:And then, like, I say something, she just doesn't listen to me. Like, she's like the boss at childcare. Like, she tells all the kids off. She tells them, like, like, get in the line. We're gonna eat now.
Diana:Pack up your toys. Do this, do that. So she's just she's remarkable. She's so intelligent. She tells her brother.
Diana:Like, she runs the household. She tells us all what to do. And I just I love that, especially being a girl, and she's really small as well. I don't want her to be a pushover. And when they I don't know if I should encourage this, but when they fight, one of them's got a toy and the other one wants it or vice versa.
Diana:She has something and her brother tries to take it off her. She has got a grip and she will hold on to it, and I will watch it to the point, like, where I can see that it might start hurting each other. But I won't intervene because I could see that she's standing on her own 2 2 feet and saying, no. I've got this. You don't take this off me.
Diana:It's mine. And I just I'm just like, oh gosh. I love that about you. Yes. Yes.
Diana:Yes. Be strong. Be powerful. Don't let your brother walk all over you or take your toys, and I just love her spunk. She's just amazing.
Diana:What about She's Give us a low down on the 2. Yeah.
Nhi:Which would be I was just to say with Emilia as well, like, that she's this tiny
Diana:So tiny.
Nhi:She embodies the pocket rocket. Absolutely. I have 2 boys, and it's so funny. Matt and I always, my husband, always wanted a girl. And now that I have 2 boys, I'm really I'm glad I have 2 boys.
Nhi:With Kenzo, he is the oldest one, and he is just so inquisitive. He needs to know, and this is from really early age, he needs to know how things work. He's really interested in chemistry right now, how things how different things mix together or what's gonna happen when you mix it together. And he remembers everything I've ever told him anyone's ever said around him. It's incredible.
Nhi:We've been taking toys apart, putting them together since he was about, I don't know, one and a half. He will put it together. We have Lego sessions, me and him. It gets very serious. We close the door.
Nhi:It's this is Lego session. No one no one can enter. And we build these things. And you know what? He has friends who have them on display these amazing Lego creations, but not us.
Nhi:The second we create it, he takes a part and build something else and at with his imagination.
Diana:So He's so creative. He is He is. Yeah.
Nhi:Yeah. Yeah. And he is also very affectionate. He's always cuddling and always wants to be near you. Like, it's it's sweet.
Nhi:Ambrose, my god. Could they be more different? It's just it's insane how different they are. Like, they come from me and my husband, and they have the same upbringing and environment, but they're just so different. And he is just so much more calm than Kenzo.
Nhi:Like, it's night and day. Kenzo's always been really emotional, really he's more me, I think, in terms of personality. Like, he's always out there when he's around. Ambrose is very calm. He's got his calming presence about him.
Nhi:He's also very affectionate in a different way. And I I just I I can't wait to see what they do as they get older. They're just gonna be amazing.
Diana:They will. What do you find the most fulfilling aspect of parenting in your day to day?
Nhi:In my day to day. Okay. So I look forward to it. I work full time. My husband works full time.
Nhi:There's a, routine every day. They go to kindy or childcare, and then I'm working and then I come home and I look forward to it all day. So they come home. I make dinner. We complain about dinner.
Nhi:They don't wanna eat whatever I've made. Then there's bath time, which is usually not chaotic, then bedtime, which is super chaotic. But regardless of being chaotic, I still look forward to it. And it's so funny, like, you hear this, but and there's so many memes out there about it. But when you're here with the kids and you might be complaining about it or whatever it is, and then you and I would go on a mom's trip, and we're all talking about the kids.
Nhi:We're all looking at our looking on our phone at all the photos. It's just so crazy.
Diana:And we miss them.
Nhi:And we miss them so much. But I think for me, it's just I look forward to seeing them, and I miss them during the day. How about you?
Diana:It depends on my day. So if I'm super busy, sometimes I'm like, okay. I've got other things on. Yep. But you're right.
Diana:Like, you they come home and you just wanna cuddle them and just, I missed you today. Like, how was your day? And you just wanna ask them about it. And your especially the weekdays when it's work and childcare and whatnot, you do get into that routine a little bit. What I enjoy or what I find fulfillment from is those little things that they might have learned something at childcare that day and they come home and they tell you about it and you're like, oh, awesome.
Diana:Let's continue doing that. Or they'll say, I ate something really young. Can we make it? And, yeah, sure. On the weekend, we'll make it.
Diana:Like, just those simple little things and those things they do compound because it can build from them. And even though it is a little bit mundane sometimes like the day to day experience, But it's those little things that they come home and they've read, like, a new book or they've learned a new word or it's something that you might have done with them a couple of weeks ago and they bring it up and you're like, oh, yeah. Yes. I taught you how to do that. You must have been practicing somehow, somewhere, and now you know how to do it.
Diana:So it's those little wins, I think, is the simplest way to to to sum it up. It's those little wins that amongst all the chaos of getting them out the door and and then, like you said, bedtime, the chaos of all of that, it's just those little things that you can see the progress that they're making. They're the things that it's not gonna be like one big they're not gonna go from a baby to, like, all of a sudden I'm at school. It's just those little wins as you go through your day that really they're the things that I love.
Nhi:Mhmm. Yeah. That's so nice. So that wraps it up for us today. As always, thank you so much for listening and for your company.
Nhi:We hope you were able to relate to the highs of motherhood. Also, we just wanna stress that if you are going through a period right now where you have maybe just stuck in a you're just stuck in a thing and you're just really hating being a mom, we get it. That definitely happens. You are not alone. We would say talk to your partner, talk to your friends, talk to your family about it.
Nhi:Like, just let it out. It really helps. And just remember that it will that will pass as as hard as it might feel when you're in it right there. We're not tough, and we're in this together. So take care and speak soon.
Nhi:If you enjoyed this podcast, please subscribe. Well, leave us a review. It'd mean a lot, and we'll talk to you soon. Bye.
