Milk and Madness

Hello friends. Welcome back to another episode of the Milk and Madness podcast with your hosts, Nhi and Dee.
I'm Nhi and welcome to our first episode in the Yay or Nay series, where we'll be taking a topic and discussing whether it's a yay or nay for us. Today, we're delving into a childhood tradition that brings both excitement and some apprehension for parents; sleepovers.

Yes, sleepovers. So for context, with our kids, I personally haven't hosted or had the kids go to any sleepovers yet. Nhi I think that's different for you. Is that right?

We've, I don't know if we've really counted them as sleepovers, to be honest. So we've only done it with my sister and with Nana and Matt, I've always been there.
We have done a couple of nights where Matt and I have taken, maybe just had a Airbnb for one night and my sister stayed over just to look after the boys at our house. So I don't know if we'd really count them as sleepovers, but yeah, that's what we've done. And you've done none, none of that at all.

Neither. Yeah. None of that. So today's discussion will involve us navigating our thoughts and feelings around the inevitable question that will come, and I'm sure we both have had it. Mom, can I go or have a sleepover? So in a nutshell, is it a yay or a nay for you?

It's absolute nay for me, something I feel quite strongly about, and I was reflecting on this before, like when I was having a shower before we met.
So why do I feel so strongly about it? And I don't know, to be honest with you, when I was a kid, we didn't have sleepovers. So maybe that was a factor, but it wasn't, I don't ever remember wanting desperately to go to a sleepover or anything like that. I'm just thinking maybe in my friendship groups and primary school and even high school until later on sleepovers weren't really a thing.

And I don't know how it was for you, but I don't remember it coming up as an issue. And for me and Matt, we both feel that sleepovers isn't, it's definitely a no for a while. And it just comes down to, I think the unknown. And I'm going to sound so overprotective, I think in this episode, but especially when my kids are young, I don't want to put them in any situation where.

Stuff could happen. And when I say stuff could happen, use your imagination, in terms of what could happen. And it's not that I don't trust people, but it's just happening, but stuff happens and it's the unknown and I've read enough articles and I've lost enough sleep thinking about this stuff to the point where I'm quite confident.

Our answer is no in terms of sleepovers until they are older, until they have A strong voice of their own. And until I'm confident that if something happens, that they would be able to be like, whatever that is don't like that. I don't, whatever it is, I think until we get to that point, then I'll be like, no for sleepovers.

Yeah. Yeah. That's absolutely very valid concerns and the same that I have as well. I am a yay, so I am going to say yay for sleepovers because I don't have anything against sleepovers. I don't feel as strongly as you do, which is weird because you know me, I overanalyze and overthink things.

But you made a good point about their age and their maturity and their ability to navigate, any situation that might be thrown at them. So definitely wouldn't be looking at having sleepovers, hosting, or letting Aidan or Amelia go to sleepovers in primary school ages. And, to your point about your own childhood, I had sleepovers.

I hosted them and I went to them, but I don't remember any being in primary school. I definitely remember them all being high school and they probably were worse in high school 'cause then I got up to more mischief. You're definitely in a different space mentally than you would be as a kid, so you are a lot more vulnerable as a child.

It also is really important who they go to a sleepover, whose house they go to. Obviously you need to know the parents really well. And I guess have those lines of communication, cause they're probably feeling the same thing that you are and don't want to let their kid come over to your house just because.

And so I think if you have those open communications and talk about, look, I'm really concerned, I have anxiety over X, Y, Z, or I'm stressed about this. And can you please just keep me in the loop or whatever the conversation might be. But like I said, that for us, it's future. Long way away. But yeah, I don't mind sleepovers.

I like them. I think they're fun. Do you have to have them? Absolutely not. It's definitely, you're not missing out on anything. Like it's, nothing happens. Nothing changes. But yes, so that's in a nutshell, I am okay with them, but I think, As a parent, you do have to be really careful.

And that's just not with sleepovers, it's with everything.

Yes. Yeah. And I think you touched on a few things that were really important and I agree with you in terms of them. I think that sleepovers can be really fun. And if you invited us over to a sleepover, I will probably stay. As well. I will probably stay to help you out with it.

Or my answer would be Kenzo can attend and I'll just pick him up late. And it really comes down to how well do I know both parents, everyone who's going to be there and in charge and responsible, I need to feel like I really know, and not just know when you say, Hey, at the playground, or you, when you drop them off, I need to know them, otherwise there's no way my kids are staying over for a sleepover.

As I said, I'll come pick them up later, or I will just hang around and help you out with the sleepover. Because I think, yes, I can be absolutely. So much fun and in terms of social aspect for our kids I think it can be really great and especially with Kenzo who sometimes I feel, the social stuff he misreads social cues and I think relationships for him is something he's still navigating in terms of friendships, more so than other kids his age.

So I think, if we were to be invited and Kenzo really wanted to attend, then my answer would be, yes, you can attend for a little bit or mommy will be there as well. I'll, I'll try to hide or not, be so in his face, but I'm probably going to be around for it. And I feel okay with that.

He's gonna have to feel okay with that until he's older and you know what you mentioned before in terms of you do have sleepovers, when you were older, they got a bit more messy and all that. Yeah, like I didn't have any sleepovers until probably, later high school.

So when we were 16, 17, I had a boyfriend then, we were drinking and that kind of stuff. But yeah, I think it would be a similar situation for my kids. Yeah, when I feel like they are going to be able to be an advocate for themselves and have that voice and yeah, go for it. Call me when you need, I'm going to be always available. Yeah, that's how I feel about it.

I think that the simplest way to explain it is just to not rush.
Obviously if they're with like, grandparents or whatever. And, you go for a dinner out and then they just end up sleeping at the grandparents. That's fine. But like when you're invited to say a school friend that you don't know the parents that well, you don't know who's coming and going from their house.

So you might even know the parents really well, but if you don't have that conversation beforehand to be like, look, I'm really anxious about this. Will there be anyone else attending? Who's coming? Who's not? Is it a big sleepover or is it just your kid and the other kid?

Or is it like, mixed-sex kids, and are there other family members coming over to stay to visit, whatever, who's coming and going from the house? They're the sort of things that, you have to think about as a parent, you have to think about these things. They're not pleasant to think about.

But you have to do them in order to protect your child. And you don't ever want to put them in a situation where they feel uncomfortable, whether that's just they don't feel comfortable because another kid is bullying them at the party or excluding them or, it could just be something as simple as that.

And then, You go into like allergies and then the poor parents have to deal with your kids allergies or whatever it might be. So it's really, I don't know. I just remember it being really simple. Like for me, I didn't have any allergies. So I would just go to a friend's house.

They would come over. We would eat just crap all night. And for me, what I enjoyed the most about it was actually seeing. the way that other people live.

And I had a really close friend who was, I'm European, so I have European traditions and things like that, but she was very Australian.
And so they did the Sunday roast and , what they ate and how they navigated their day to day life in their family was very different to mine. And so it was really interesting to see that. And so I think that's, you can still get that just from being at the house.
Of course, you don't have to sleep over, but I really enjoyed that. She had an older sister. And so of course we learned all the bad things from her. And it was just, yeah, it was fun. And I never felt unsafe or anything like that. And I would have just been able to walk home and go home.

It wouldn't be an issue. But you do, you need to teach your kids that. And if you have to be there for the first, X amount of sleepovers just until you're comfortable with it and they're comfortable with it. Why not? Like they don't know that you're not supposed to be there.

Well, Kenzo would probably be like, Mom, what are you doing here?
I'm sorry, buddy. He's I can already see this conversation happening and him rolling his eyes. But I think, yeah, it's one of those things where you think it's a really simple topic, then you spend a bit of time thinking about it a bit more and the different, variables, the different, potential scenarios, the relationship aspect, how much do you trust them?

All that stuff. And it's actually quite a. A meaty, complicated thing to think about as a parent of young kids. And it does come down to doing what you feel comfortable with, because if I, right now, if he went to a sleepover and, I didn't really know those parents really well. I don't think I'll be able to sleep honestly.

I think I'd be at home thinking about it, worrying about it, same probably, hopefully unnecessarily, but I know that's probably what I would be doing. And I'm, why am I going to put myself in that situation? I'm not. So yeah, that's where we're at the moment. And I think. How strongly I feel about it is probably going to change, to some degree as the kids, gradually get older.

And as I know, parents, better you guys obviously, I know you guys so well, and obviously Calvin babysat all day and we're totally comfortable with that. So I think if you were to have a sleepover, I would say yes, but I would probably still hang around and it's not a reflection of you guys.

It's more on me. It's more on me in terms of what I'm comfortable with and am I going to be able to sleep.

Has Kenzo been asked to go to a sleepover yet?

No, but we have been invited to some and he hasn't really been that interested.

If he was really interested, I'll have a proper talk to him about it and, let him know why and why mom is in the kitchen, helping out that kind of stuff, but he hasn't really been interested in. And I think it's because they haven't been really close friends yet. Which I find really interesting is when we got these invites and I'm like, who's this kid, I don't really know this parent. Maybe you're really close to them in school, so that, that's been an interesting thing for me in terms of just getting these invites. Cause I'm like, Oh, I don't even know who you are.

I can't believe you invited us over for a sleepover, which is a reflection of me and our parenting style, not and theirs and how it's different. And we're all very different in terms of our approach. How about your kids?

Yeah, so Aiden, got invited to a sleepover. Aiden's still, he's still in nappies overnight, so I still have that buffer where if he was to ask Mom, can I go to a sleepover? I can swing it and be like, you still wet the bed. You can't till, until that happens. 'cause you're. Potentially wet their bed, et cetera.

So that's up my sleeve at the minute. He's not really that interested in any of that sort of stuff. Like he's not even interested in having a birthday party. Like he hasn't asked me, thank God. Cause they're so not cheap. But luckily, he doesn't seem to be interested. He hasn't had one. So I think the benefit for us is.

They don't really know what happens and what to expect. I think the thing that I'll find hard when you get that invite navigating. Saying no politely to the other parent. Because I wouldn't want to be like, no, sorry, we're busy.

We've got something else on. I'd want to have that conversation and be like, look, we're not really comfortable yet because then what will happen is I'll just keep inviting and not really understand. And then if I keep saying no, then they're going to be like, does she hate me? What's going on? That's probably going to be the hardest thing.

Cause I know not all parents are super understanding. Like some of them, don't really get it. Which is fine. Like they obviously haven't thought about it or have, it's not in their world, but yeah, I just, I don't want to offend anyone. But at the same time, it's I don't want my child going there currently at this young age.

If I don't know you well enough, I'm happy to offend anyone if it means that I'm comfortable, honestly, and my kids are comfortable. So I will try my best not to offend anyone, but if you take offense for me saying no to a sleepover, then that's you. I'm sorry. Yeah. That's, it is what it is, but love how like blunt you are.

I love it so much, but I can handle it. Like I'm like, I'd rather just know, if you said no, I'm not, can't for whatever reason, I'd be like, okay, cool. Like I, at least I know. But I know that some people like they don't. Yeah, it's hard to navigate that sometimes. 'cause some people are little bit, a little bit more sensitive and you're like, no, that's not what I mean.

I just mean I'm not comfortable . Yeah. And I will tell them that I gets too, but Yeah. Yeah,

Yeah. But then if they still, take offense, then it is what it is. Yeah. Yeah.

So in terms of once we get over the hurdle of allowing sleepovers, once we're comfortable with it, will you wait until they have a mobile phone so that they can call you if something happens? Or was that a conversation you'd have with the parent to be like, can you let them use your phone?

How do you think you'll navigate that?

Yes, that's a good one. I think I will either have their own phone by then, or I will just give them a phone for it. I think. Because I do want to make sure that communication lines are open and that they don't need to rely on anyone else. For those communication lines and I will probably be messaging them and seeing how it's going at least once, I think, just to see how it's going they're going to know what type of mom they have.

So I'm going to be around and I'm going to be, I want to say in their face in the nicest way possible that I can try to do that. But yeah, I think if we were to start sleepovers, let's say. I don't know when they're like 15 or whatever it is. That sounds a bit old.

I think. No, I'm okay with that. So let's say, if they're like 15 and they really want to go over to sleep over and they don't have a phone yet, which I'll be very surprised, but I'll make sure that they have some way of communicating with us as easily as possible

Yeah, how about you?

Yeah, no, that's a good point. I think if they don't have one already by that age, they start having sleepovers, giving them one just for the night, just so you can check in, whatever. Or like you said, if somebody's sleeping and they don't want to, they feel bad, they don't want to wake people up, they don't lie on going and asking for a phone, they've got it there and they can just call or text straight away.

That would probably make me feel a lot better, especially for the first couple of sleepovers as well, just to make sure that everything's okay and that they are able to contact me should they need to.

Yes, absolutely. So on that note, we'll tuck you in and close the blinds on this topic. Yes. Pun intended. Let us know your thoughts on sleepovers. We love hearing different perspectives. So please leave us a comment. What age did your children start having sleepovers?

Are you yay? Are you nay? Give us your thoughts, please. We'd love hearing them. This is Dee and Nhi saying goodnight. Catch you later, friends. Bye.